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The House of Dupree

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Author Topic: The House of Dupree  (Read 524 times)
Veronica Poe
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« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2007, 02:04:48 am »

Just had a look at the first one again, and it is very effective, I would definitely work around the diary if I were you, as opposed to performing drastic alterations.

Peace,

Veronica
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unknown
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« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2007, 05:22:54 am »

Hi Veronica

Thanks for reading it!

These events occur just before the events in the diary,

If it where up to me, I would just leave it as a stand alone story. In other words just the way it is...

But the thing is that, I am told, by the review editor, that it is not a story, because all the plot elements are not resolved ie., the reader doesn't know what happened to Anna.

I know the begining is a little slow and weird, but I am trying for a longer piece and hopefully the pay off will be worth it in the end.

Honestly, I don't know what to do... even if I just wrote at the end of the Diary, Anna was found dead... I think I would still have the same problem.

Thank You for reviewing it...
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
Veronica Poe
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« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2007, 01:11:12 am »

It was my pleasure in reading it.  I have to say, though, that I am not certain that they want, "more."

This will sound awfully picky, but are you certain that they are interested in publishing a novella, or are they simply interested in a resolution to the short story?  I don't know what type of publication this is, but most have word counts and page constraints.

Don't get me wrong, I think that the novella is a good idea to do anyway, but you may want to do two versions - one, the novella, as you see fit, the other, the short story with simply the edits they suggested, and a resolution.

I would do the novella first, then edit a shorter version for publication (with those ideas) afterwards.  Once you are rich and famous later, you can publish whatever version(s) you like.

Peace,

Veronica
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unknown
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« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2007, 02:36:30 am »

 :)Hi Veronica

Sound advice as always, I have been going through this thing in my head for a long time, and I just can't figure out how to resolve the original story, without actually writing another story to go along with it, or drasticaly changing what happens in the original. Well really I don't know how to fix it by changing the original, either.

It seems, I somehow boxed myself into a corner.


I don't know how I could resolve it, without the Colonel and the professor coming to investigate, and that takes a lot of writing/another story. Which I tried to do with Anna's Tears; which I admit is not nearly as compelling as the original, and which seems to be too different to be a continuation of the original. I don't know if my new story will be any good either...

I know the original diary method was good for the story, but I can't figure out, anyway for the story to continue through Anna's writing that would be plausible.
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
Veronica Poe
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« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2007, 08:38:10 am »

Unknown, when writing, there is always the temptation to write too much.  What the magazine is simply looking for is a way to tie up lose ends and bring the story to a conclusion.

That is why I suggest you write the longer version, get it out of your system, then get out your editing pen and eliminate all that is not neccessary to bringing the story to it's conclusion.  Often, it is hard for a writer to be that objective about his work, so, if you want, I can edit it for you.

You actually made some interesting edits on your story today (I noticed), with one passage in particular already in it (since edited out) making for a perfect ending.

Your ending would work best like this:

Anna disappears, the Colonel and the professor do look for her, and yet, there search is condensed to about two pages.  Do you remember the passage you had in your prologue where an emaciated creature is found eating corpses?  That is your ending - Anna, years later, not dead, just insane, and reverted to a ghoul. You build the suspense that comes with a search until, shockingly, they find her. It's a fitting ending, it's what is expected at the end of a horror story, and it is the most apt way to tie up loose ends.

Do you see how it all comes together?  Later, of course, do your own version.  Hope that helps.

Peace,

Veronica
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« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2007, 09:59:30 am »

Hi Veronica


I will try and see what I can come up with...

If you could help with the editing that would be great too...

I think you are right about what they want, conclusion and tying up loss ends for the original.


I just checked over at bewildering and there are no restrictions on length, they do publish novels and like serials because it encourages readership, so I am alright there.

I just sent them the Devils Pen... I wonder if they will think that one has an ending, lol
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
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« Reply #21 on: May 14, 2007, 10:20:58 am »

From the editor of Bewildering Stroies
******************************

Hello, Wayne…


Thank you for "The Devil's Pen."  It's a very colorful story of the "Dorian Gray" type, and I'm

sure we would like to consider it.


First, though, a number of observations:


The focus of the story shifts from William to the pen itself.  In other words, the metaphor takes

on a life of its own at the expense of the character. 


As a consequence, the story becomes one of "crime pays." William has Dorian Gray's tragic

flaw but not his remorse.  We see William reveling in the misuse of his talent, but we don't see

him struggling against it to any noticeable extent.  His "deathbed repentance," as it were, is

too little, too late, and unconvincing.  I don't really think he's going to quit; I think he's fooling

himself and will continue as before.


The table top scene with Suzette and William's friend will have to be made less graphic to

meet our guidelines.  The gist is that you can suggest what's going on, but you can't depict it.


The text has editing problems that are too numerous for a proofreader to fix.  For example:


Punctuation, especially superfluous commas:


My name is William Hargrove, The year of our Lord 1827, October, the seventeenth, I do

solemnly swear upon my honor and before almighty God, that this is a true and accurate

account of the events of my life.


-->
My name is William Hargrove. The year of our Lord 1827, October the seventeenth, I do

solemnly swear upon my honor and before almighty God that this is a true and accurate

account of the events of my life.


But my mind was not on these things, what the diploma meant to me was that at last, I could

marry my beloved Suzette.


-->
But my mind was not on these things: what the diploma meant to me was that at last I could

marry my beloved Suzette.


Perhaps better:


But my mind was not on these things: the diploma meant that at last I could marry my beloved

Suzette.


But I digress, what an unforgettable day it was, from the very first moment I saw her, I adored

her, I worshipped her, and I was filled with a glowing love light, my feet disdaining the coarse

and crude earth beneath them.


But I digress. What an unforgettable day it was: from the very first moment I saw her I adored

her, I worshipped her, and I was filled with a glowing love light, my feet disdaining the coarse

and crude earth beneath them.


Her father vehemently disapproved of me, since that very first afternoon at her coming out

party.


-->
Her had father vehemently disapproved of me since that very first afternoon at her coming-out

party.


(", since"  = , because.)


Compound adjectives:


I rode to the Brettel Estate, a grand and imposing five story Victorian manor; set amidst a

lovely eighteenth century style hedged garden and enclosed by an impressively tall and

imposing iron gated stonewalls.


five story --> five-story
eighteenth century --> eighteenth-century
iron gated --> iron-gated
stonewalls --> stone walls


Grocer's apostrophe:


all of my Professor's recommend me highly.


Professor's --> professors


You's to keep your eye's open, lip's shut."


eye's --> eyes
lip's --> lips


it's own evil designs


it's --> its


And those are examples, not a complete list.



As I say, we would be happy to consider a rewrite, preferably one in which William is more

conflicted than he appears to be in the current version.
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Elphias Levi
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« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2007, 01:28:32 am »

Whoa! Boy, did I ever get a crash course in grammar and punctuation. 
Thing is, when I read the "Devil's Pen," I didn't get half as many of the errors as they are talking about there.

Sounds like they want to publish it, though.

You want my advice (sadly, it seems), you have to get that sex scene outta there, concentrate a bit more on his "fall" and "repentance," then you should ship the entire story to Rockessence to edoit for grammar and punctuation.  She is the resident English expert here.

Watch what she does and don't make the same mistakes again, expecially knock off the commas! 
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« Reply #23 on: May 15, 2007, 03:07:34 am »

I think this kind of story is right up there alley... When a editor sends you grammar corrections you know they want it.

Its funny, they didn't say anything about the **** scene though. I guess I was sufficiently obscure about it, lol. So I can still have the scene; I just can't say "feasting between her thighs."
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
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« Reply #24 on: May 22, 2007, 11:02:57 pm »

Unknown, when are you doing this one over?  I think most people here like this one even better.
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« Reply #25 on: May 23, 2007, 04:26:40 am »

I am trying to get someone to take the original Diary as is... I don't know if anyone will want it.

I was trying to rewrite this as a longer story, but I don't know. I have really lost my will to write it.


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Elphias Levi
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« Reply #26 on: May 23, 2007, 01:19:26 pm »

So write another one!
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Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
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« Reply #27 on: May 23, 2007, 04:37:01 pm »

Hi Rocky

I am working on something... a historic vampire story.

I will try to do this "house" story but it is going to take a while.

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Elphias Levi
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