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The House on Willow's Creek

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Author Topic: The House on Willow's Creek  (Read 991 times)
Trevor Proffitt
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« Reply #15 on: October 29, 2008, 01:12:58 am »

Great stuff, loved the narrative, loved the pacing.  Not sure about the ending, though, should a different ghost have been used other than the sister?  Her character didn't seem creepy enough.  Other than that, it was great.
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unknown
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« Reply #16 on: October 29, 2008, 01:49:29 am »

Thanks Trevor

I appreciate the review, I guess my idea was that it was creepier because he loved her, and because she wasn't evil. I was hoping it would be a plot twist... an unexpected ending.
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
Sarah
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« Reply #17 on: October 29, 2008, 10:29:32 pm »

A wonderful jaunt back into the dark times of the 1800s.  Ghosts abound, the protagonist tortures himself as often as he is tortured by circumstance and, in the end, misery abounds.  A truly gripping tale of the precarious line between life and death.

Sarah
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"If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, may my right hand fail..." - King David, Psalms 137:5

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unknown
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« Reply #18 on: October 30, 2008, 12:31:05 am »

Hi Sarah

Thank you for that wonderfully worded review...

How are you? I haven't heard from you in a long time.
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
April Kincaid
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« Reply #19 on: October 30, 2008, 03:20:13 pm »

I thought it really worked well as a story.  It reads like you wrote it all in one go, which is good, the themes tend to sync together better that way, as opposed to doing a lot of rewriting.

I would have liked to have seen what happened to the guy after the story was over, but that wouldn't have worked well in a literary way.  You wonder what would happen, though. He's poor, so does he still leave the house?  Does he try and sell it?  Does he just stay there and still just cope with the ghost?  Lots of times, a fire ends up destroying the houses to solve everything, but in real life, things aren't that convenient. Lots of people have had to stay in haunted houses simply because they have no choice, they didn't have the money to move.
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Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin
unknown
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« Reply #20 on: October 30, 2008, 05:28:19 pm »

Thank You, April!


I really considered telling what happened after the last insident in the story, but unless I can can come up with something really astounding... it wouldn't add to much to the story.

The fact that you wondered about what happened to him means you were at least somewhat invested in the character. I have had comments elsewhere saying that they didn't care about the characters, especially the main character. Many people want to kow more about the father though...

My Thanks


« Last Edit: October 31, 2008, 01:11:24 am by unknown » Report Spam   Logged

"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
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« Reply #21 on: October 30, 2008, 10:15:57 pm »

A truly stylish effort!  I do have to say that you missed an opportunity when you opted out of writing a hot and heavy sex scene to take place between the characters.  Man, what a missed opportunity, and you call yourself a writer!   Angry
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╔╪╪╪╪╪╪╪╪╗
☼The Pagan ☼
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Rachel Dearth
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« Reply #22 on: October 30, 2008, 10:31:56 pm »

Hi Rachel

Thanks for reading it, again!

I know... I had it too scattered before, with him burning the clock and the father, it needed to have a central focus. I see what you mean about the sister not being a strong antagonist... but the father is the main one.  I guess even he is weak because he really isn't very active in the story and his threat is mostly incorporeal, or the memory of him...

Are you going to do any monster threads for Halloween?



I wish we had the time!  Hey, maybe we should carry our Halloween celebration into November!  I would love to do some monsters again, which ones would you suggest?
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Rachel Dearth
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« Reply #23 on: October 30, 2008, 10:35:56 pm »

Quote
I have had comments elsewhere saying that they didn't care about the characters, especially the main character.

Who said that?  Was it someone here?  Cause the guy seems fine, it's the sister that probably needs more development, if anyone! 
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unknown
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« Reply #24 on: October 31, 2008, 01:15:52 am »

Hi Rachel

It was a couple of people on Writing.Com, that said that... sometimes I think they are jealous. But that could be my ego talking.

Your right about the sister... I should add another scene to give her more dialogue... I had a library scene in mind, were she talks about the occult books her father was reading.  Which would give the story more depth and mystery... but would probably make it much longer.  I also thought that one paragraph for the Mothers funeral was way to short.

Well, really, we can do monsters all year... it's just more fun and attracts more attention at halloween.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2008, 01:45:29 am by unknown » Report Spam   Logged

"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
unknown
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« Reply #25 on: October 31, 2008, 01:20:09 am »

Pagan... Pagan!

I am going to have to write an erotic story just for you baby!

What naughtiness are you planning for this Halloween?

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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
Jennifer O'Dell
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« Reply #26 on: November 01, 2008, 01:01:36 am »

I thought it was a very well written story, the hero seems a little lonely and pensive, though, a lot of your characters seem to be like that. Forget Pagan's suggestion, I don't think that sex would have worked really well in this story.
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unknown
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« Reply #27 on: November 01, 2008, 01:24:34 pm »

Thanks Jennifer

My characters are like that... I'll have to write something where the main character has a different kind of personality. Actually, I have been thinking about doing some sword and sorcery stuff, with elements of horror.

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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
Kendall Conway
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« Reply #28 on: November 01, 2008, 05:09:53 pm »

Hey Unknown,

I think the personalities of your characters work pretty well for the material which actually reminds me a lot of those old Victorian ghost stories of the 1880s.  Have you ever read them? I study Victorian ghost stories and have posted quite a few of them here, if you would like to take a look:

http://atlantisonline.smfforfree2.com/index.php/board,225.0.html
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unknown
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« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2008, 09:11:02 am »

Hi Kendall

I checked out the thread, a lot of interesting titles, I haven't read any of the stories there yet. There is a great website for called Ghost Lights, or gas lights, that has historical ghost/supernatural stories like Varney the Vampire etc.
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
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