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Life without Scotland

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Valkyrie
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« on: December 03, 2007, 06:07:14 am »

Life without Scotland


Alex Salmond, leader of the Scottish National party, predicts that Scotland will be independent within 10 years. If he's right, what will that mean for the rest of the UK? Will there be strict border controls? Will the royals be kicked out of Balmoral? And how will English tennis fans cope without Andy Murray? Here Guardian writers examine the big issues

Thursday November 15, 2007
The Guardian



The following correction was printed in the Guardian's Corrections and clarifications column, Friday November 16 2007.

Inishtrahull island, County Donegal, is in the Republic of Ireland and not in Britain, where we placed it in the article below.


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Geography

You may not have heard of the Marshall Meadows caravan park, but if Scotland actually splits off from the United Kingdom, you will. After Partition, as it will presumably become known, the most northerly point on the British mainland will no longer be John O'Groats but Marshall Meadows on the North Sea coast, just off the A1. As a result the caravan park will teem - teem, I tell you - with charity walkers setting off to Land's End. Unless, of course, Scotland invades to recapture Berwick-upon-Tweed (2.5 miles south of the English-Scottish border), which Scots really ought to do if only to simplify matters. Berwick, you see, changed hands between England and Scotland at least 13 times between 1296 and 1482 and, though it is currently in England, its football team plays in a Scottish league. It's too confusing.
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Valkyrie
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« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2007, 06:08:29 am »

There is another possibility. British charity walkers will converge on the new most northerly point of Britain, which is Inishtrahull Island, County Donegal. To be honest, though, that sounds like a terrible fuss, what with most of them having to catch boats and ferries.
In any case, the current Anglo-Scottish border may change. If Partition turns ugly, Pakistan-India style - which, obviously, fingers crossed, it won't - Hadrian's Wall could be rebuilt along the lines of the Berlin Wall. That, though, would place much of Northumbria and Tyneside in Scotland, which might make Geordies in Newcastle unprecedentedly restive.

Whatever. There are lots of geographical bonuses if Scotland becomes independent. Britain will gain a new international border, which, frankly, it has far too few of at present. Snowdon will replace Ben Nevis as Britain's highest mountain, which will cheer up Welsh people. True, Britain will have much less coastline, skiing and hiking than currently, but Britons will probably get over these losses, not least because Britain's midge population will shrink massively.
Stuart Jeffries

The royals

The Duke of Edinburgh would have to give up his title, possibly becoming the Duke of Milton Keynes, which would give all of us - Scots, Britons, royalists, republicans - a good laugh. Prince Charles would also have to give up his Scottish titles - he would no longer be Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland. This would be avoided if the Queen remained head of state of a newly independent Scotland, but the Scottish people would have the democratic right to bin Her Majesty (in a constitutional sense) if they so chose. Then all sorts of possibilities would arise beyond the loss of a few titles, such as Scottish PM Alex Salmond moving into Balmoral and evicting the royal family, ideally at gunpoint.

Some Scots have been sniffy about Her Majesty for a while anyway. In the 1950s, for example, new Royal Mail post boxes in Scotland, bearing the initials "E II R", were blown up - to the Scots, she was not E II R but E I R. That is because Queen Elizabeth I (aka Cate Blanchett) was Queen of England, but never Scotland.

Another interesting possibility is that His Royal Highness The Duke of Bavaria, Franz Bonaventura Adalbert Maria Herzog von Bayern (I kid you not), known to his friends as Franz, will at last assert his claim to the Scottish throne. Franz is considered by some to be the rightful ruler of England, Scotland, and Ireland. At present the Bavarian presses no claim to the Scottish throne, but the prospect of glamorous homes becoming vacant- the Palace of Holyroodhouse, the Queen's official residence in Scotland - might just turn his head.
Stuart Jeffries

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Valkyrie
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« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2007, 06:08:57 am »

Politics

Scottish independence will transform politics in what remains of the UK. (What, by the way, will this entity be called? The Disunited Kingdom, Not-so-Great Britain, Southern Britain - a name that was used for a period after the Acts of Union?) Labour, which traditionally has relied on its dominance in Scotland, would find it far harder to win a working majority in the Southern British parliament, and the Tories could look forward to long periods of uninterrupted rule (though it might help if David Cameron changed his name).

Under New Labour, the number of Scots in the cabinet has been remarkable. Tony Blair's seemed almost entirely Scottish; now only four remain - Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, Des Browne and Douglas Alexander - but with Scots occupying Nos 10 and 11 Downing Street, the impression of what opponents have termed the "Scottish raj" remain.

Labour's phalanx of Scots, and in particular Brown, have always been vulnerable to the West Lothian question: why should they be allowed to legislate on matters directly affecting the rest of the UK when the people they represent are being governed from elsewhere? An independent Scotland would make their positions in government impossible, and in theory this would finally put the West Lothian question to bed for good.

But then, presuming that Partition is a civilised affair, Brown and his fellow Scots will be allowed to depart quietly when the Southern British parliament is slimmed down. There will not be mass ethnic cleansing of Scots from the south, or indeed of English, Welsh and northern Irish people from the north; Paddy Ashdown will not have to be called in to arbitrate between warring factions. So we will still have plenty of Scots based in the south, and Britons who can bear the atrocious weather and re-runs of old Andy Stewart programmes will continue to live north of the border. That poses the question of voting: will Scots be allowed dual voting rights - in both their birthplace and their place of residence? Will the British? Just when we thought we'd got rid of the dreaded West Lothian question, it reappears in another form.
Stephen Moss

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Valkyrie
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« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2007, 06:09:28 am »

Security

Worryingly for the rest of the UK, Scotland has 90% of the oil. It also houses Britain's Trident nuclear submarines. Since SNP leader Alex Salmond is committed to a non-nuclear Scotland, he will presumably hand the subs over rather than scuttle them, but the oil could become an incendiary issue in a resource-starved world. Salmond might be advised to keep the nuclear subs after all.

Will an independent Scotland be a member of Nato? It is by no means clear. Salmond was highly critical of Nato's bombing of Serbia in 1999, and a large element in his party opposes joining a US-dominated nuclear alliance. But how safe would Scotland be outside Nato with a nuclear-armed, oil-crazed neighbour on its border? At least it would be secure for a while from conventional attack, as the working-class Scots who make up a large proportion of the British army would presumably be unwilling to invade the motherland.

If a stand-off over oil became very heated, what may start as a free-and-easy relationship between two separate countries might become tense. Trading relationships could be affected; visa controls introduced; ambassadors withdrawn; Hadrian's wall extended; Scottish terriers hounded across Britain.

Salmond would do well to ponder how he can defend his newly independent state from his impoverished, resourceless but militarily powerful neighbour to the south. Putting his faith in the UN may not be enough. Britain would retain its seat on the Security Council. Scotland would be a kilted Slovakia. Lord Ashdown's good offices may be needed after all.
Stephen Moss

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« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2007, 06:10:01 am »

The economy

According to Salmond, Scotland will be flush with oil revenues and the proceeds from its whisky industry when it becomes independent. By contrast, the rest of the UK - which makes next to nothing worth selling and has negligible natural resources - will be, not to put too fine a point on it, screwed.

What can the rest of Britain do about this? One, quickly invent a new spirit better than scotch. Two, invade Scotland or at least threaten it with a nuclear strike unless it concedes that North Sea oil is not Scottish at all (see Security). Both options would be hugely popular among the British electorate.

Then there is the vexed question of Britain's national debt. At the end of March 2007, general government debt was £574.4bn. How much will Scotland take with it once it becomes independent? Scots may think their share should be written off (like that's going to happen!), or at least apportioned on a per capita basis, while other Britons would doubtless prefer if it was determined in reference to surface area. If the latter option was chosen, Scotland itself would be - not too put to fine a point on it - screwed.

And what about currency? If Scotland does not join the Euro, it may well re-establish the pound scots, which disappeared in 1707. In any event, English shopkeepers will continue to be sniffy about accepting such Scottish currency whatever happens, damn them.
Sturart Jeffries

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« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2007, 06:10:29 am »

Sport

Scottish sport is already way ahead on this one. Sporting independence was declared in 1871, when Scotland and England contested the first ever international rugby match in Edinburgh (Scotland won). Scots have since gone it alone on almost every front, with the exception of the Olympics, where the notion of Great Britain endures. Certainly the British Olympic team would be a lesser thing without Scottish expertise in curling, yngling and other boaty things, plus the occasional worryingly pale and skinny middle-distance runner.

Perhaps the real difference would be found in the English, however. The current notion of a fierce sporting rivalry is pretty much a one-way street. While Scots tend to support Anyone But England almost as passionately as their own team, the English adopt an infuriatingly supportive stance when it comes to Scotland, laced at all times with a maddening air of superiority.

Partition might well change this. For example, we can forget all about "Murray Mount" at Wimbledon. The post-Henman goodwill, the flushed home counties "Go on Andy!", the intrusive tabloid preoccupation with his latest squeeze, it's all off. As for snooker (10 Scottish world champs since 1990) on the BBC - forget about it. Any trend for sporting repatriation would also be felt more keenly south of the new border, with the Premier League almost unrecognisable without its supply of feisty, perpetually enraged Scottish managers.
Barney Ronay

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« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2007, 06:11:10 am »

Culture

Culture, of course, transcends borders, but Scottish independence would still have a dramatic effect on the rest of Britain's cultural consumption. Billy Connolly, Armando Iannucci and Frankie Boyle would presumably take their jokes home with them; bewildered film buffs would be unable to find Braveheart, Local Hero and Shallow Grave in DVD shops because they would have been filed alongside Jean de Florette and Cinema Paradiso.

The wearing of tartan was banned in Scotland by the English after the Battle of Culloden in 1746; a similar move could see it stripped from UK catwalks and replaced by Morris Dancers' costumes - it all depends on how nasty Partition gets. One presumes that, mercifully, shortbread would disappear from tacky tourist giftshops in what's left of the UK, while cliched stories about deep-fried Mars bars would move into the foreign pages of southern newspapers. Millions of surplus union flags would be sold off cheaply as shops selling tourist tat hurriedly restocked with the new union flag, a dull red and white blend of St George's and St Patrick's flag, sadly lacking the blue of the Scottish saltire.

Meanwhile the Scottish accent would suddenly demarcate foreigness rather than trustworthiness, leading to the sacking of Scottish voiceover artists. British TV and radio could in fact face a mass exodus of talent - James Naughtie, Kirsty Young, Kirsty Wark (pictured below) - if anti-Scottish sentiment demands UK presenters for UK audiences. The two national cultures might become more inward-looking, making it harder for new Scottish bands to break into the British market, for instance - although they could at least bill a gig in Carlisle as a World Tour.
Patrick Barkham

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« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2007, 06:11:43 am »

Celebrities

In the heated aftermath of Partition, Scottish celebrities predominantly based in the UK would face an agonising choice: do they return to a life in Scotland bereft of paparazzi attention, or apply for UK citizenship to retain their fans in Belfast, Cardiff and London? It is a dilemma that could trouble a celebrity with big business interests to protect, such as Gordon Ramsay, although actors able to master English or Welsh accents such as Ewan McGregor would easily blend in down south. Sir Sean Connery would also face an uncomfortable decision: in his 80s, the veteran actor would have to decide whether to keep his promise to return from the sunny Bahamas to live in an independent Scotland - and face a level of rainfall and taxation he is wholly unaccustomed to.
Patrick Barkham

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« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2007, 06:12:34 am »

And will independence change anything in Scotland?

How could I live in an independent Scotland? How could I get by without being able to blame everything on the English? Imagine having to watch the weather on telly without being able to shout: "Look how big they've made England! Can anyone even see Scotland? And can you believe they haven't said what the weather's going to be like in Auchiltibuie? Don't they realise there are three prawn fishermen up there?" With a proper, dedicated weather report, the only thing you'll be able to say is: "Oh, well, maybe it will clear up later on."

What difference will independence really make? Scotland already has its own legal system, its own education system, its own dreary politicians, its own boring footballers, its own crap TV cop, its own hopeless soap opera, its own marching bigots, its own diet-busting national dish, its own tooth-rotting fizzy drink, its own silly national costume, and, if you think about it, its own nuclear bomb. What more does it want? What more would independence bring?

Actually, if independence could sort out Scotland's confused sense of itself, that would be marvellous. This confusion is best typified by the movie Braveheart and the shameful statue it inspired. It was bad enough that William Wallace, Scotland's great national hero, who invaded England brandishing a sword whose handle was wrapped with the hide of Sassenachs, was played in the Hollywood version by a rather annoying Australian/American. But to then have a statue of Mel Gibson erected in the shadow of the Wallace Monument near Stirling simply beggared belief. Whatever next - a statue of the actor who played Scotty in Star Trek erected in whatever part of Scotland he was meant to be from, even though he had never even been? You might laugh, but for a while that actually looked like it was going to happen, too.

Jack McConnell, the former first minister, talked of Scotland as being "the best small country in the world". It's a strange slogan: it could be seen as a proud boast or as faint praise. An independent Scotland would see the country having to take responsibility for its own actions, no matter how stupid they might be. It would have to stand on its own two feet, not just now, but when the oil runs out. But then wind power is the future, apparently, and Scotland's always had plenty of that.
Andrew Gilchrist

http://www.guardian.co.uk/britain/article/0,,2211243,00.html
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