Twin Peaks

Quotes:

Pete Martell
•   She's dead. Wrapped in plastic.
o   speaking of finding Laura Palmer's body
•   Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You'd never guess… there was a fish in the percolator.
•   I have no complaints... about the house.
Dale Cooper
•   Diane, I'm holding in my hands a small box of chocolate bunnies.
o   reciting evidence into his ubiquitous tape recorder
•   Damn good coffee!
o   oft-repeated exclamation
•   Harry, my dream is a code waiting to be broken. Break the code, solve the crime.
o   to Sheriff Truman the morning after his bizarre dream
•   This must be where pies go when they die.
o   enjoying a slice of huckleberry pie at the Double-R Diner
•   Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just… let it happen.
•   I like my coffee black, like midnight on a moonless night.
Albert Rosenfeld
•   Look, it's trying to think.
o   mocking Sheriff Truman
•   You listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a nay-sayer and hatchet man in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another, because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method…is love. I love you, Sheriff Truman.
Jerry Horne
•   Brother Ben, we've got two ledgers, and one smoked-cheese pig. Which one do we burn? And it ain't gonna be my pig.
•   Ben… as your attorney, your friend, and your brother… I strongly suggest that you get yourself a better lawyer.
•   We had those Vikings by the horns.
•   Next stop... rocket science!
o   mocking a barmaid who added 1+1 and got 2
Others
•   Blood?!
o   Shelly Johnson, upon finding a shirt in her load of laundry which is soaked in blood
•   She's filled with secrets. Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always music in the air.
o   The Man From Another Place, in Dale Cooper's dream
•   I feel like I know her but sometimes my arms bend back…
o   Laura Palmer, in Dale Cooper's dream
•   Through the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see. One chants out between two worlds: "Fire Walk With Me". We lived among the people — I think you say "convenience store"? We lived above it. I mean it like it is, like it sounds. My name is Mike. His name is BOB.
o   Mike (The One-Armed Man), in Dale Cooper's dream
•   A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile. Sure, I thought it meant I didn't have to take a bath, but…
o   Andy Brennan, telling Lucy why he's upset about her news
•   Sheriff Truman? I have Ben Horne on the phone for you. Would you like me to transfer him to you? Well, not him, but his phone call?
o   Lucy Moran
•   The owls are not what they seem.
o   The Giant
•   This is from a long time ago, is that ok? I was about thirteen years old, fourteen maybe. We were going to the roadhouse to meet boys. They're about twenty years old. And they're nice to us. And they make us feel like we're older. Rick asks if we wanna go party and Laura says yes, and all of a sudden I feel this knot building up in my stomach. But when Laura gets in the truck with Rick, I go anyway. A stream in the woods and when I think, it's pale and light out. Laura starts to dance around the boys. She begins to move her hips. And we take off our clothes. I know the boys are watching. Laura starts to kiss Josh and Rick. I don't know what to do, so I swim away. I feel like I want to run, but I don't. He kisses my hand and then me. I can still feel that kiss. His lips are warm and sweet. My heart jumps. He's talking but I can't hear him. It was the first time I ever fell in love.
o   Donna Hayward, telling Harold Smith a story from her past
o   Sampled by the band No-Man for the song "Days In The Trees - Reich" on their album Lovesighs - An Entertainment.
•   By Christmas, that was such a madhouse, there was absolutely no time for paperwork. I simply had to develop a system to remember customer orders using mnemonic triggers. For instance: someone looking for argyle socks, well, that would file under "A" for argyle, subheading "S" for socks. Now, it does get tricky. A request for a vulcanized Macintosh, for instance. Now does that file under "R" for raingear, or "W" for waterproof? My familiarity with the inventory finds me leaning towards an "R".
o   Dick Tremayne
•   What I am trying to make clear is that using a stuffed animal to represent an endangered species as an ecological protest constitutes the supreme incongruity.
o   Dick Tremayne
•   Do you think the furniture in this room is adequately arranged? I have been toying with the notion that if one could find the perfect arrangement of all objects in any particular space it could create a resonance, the benefits to the individual dwelling in that space could be extensive … far reaching.
o   Ben Horne
•   Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames.
o   The Log Lady
•   See the mountains kiss high Heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea -
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?
o   Poem that Windom Earle sent to Audrey Horne, Donna Hayward and Shelly Johnson (from Love's Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley)
Dialogue
[Cooper is ordering breakfast during his first morning at the Great Northern.]
Dale Cooper: Now, I'd like two eggs, over hard. I know, don't tell me; it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard — just about as hard as I want those eggs. Bacon, super-crispy. Almost burned. Cremated. That's great. And, I'll have the grapefruit juice, just as long as those grapefruits…
[He trails off as he sees high school vixen Audrey Horne saunter up to his table.]
Dale Cooper: … are freshly squeezed.
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[Pete Martell pours coffee for Dale Cooper and Sheriff Truman.]
Pete Martell: Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?
Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night.
Pete Martell: Pretty black.
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[FBI pathologist Albert Rosenfield refuses to release Laura's body for the funeral.]
Dr. Hayward: You're the most cold-blooded man I've ever seen! I've never in my life met a man with so little regard for human frailty. Have you no compassion?!
Albert Rosenfield: Oh, I've got compassion running out of my nose, pal! I'm the Sultan of Sentiment! Dr. Hayward, I have travelled thousands of miles and apparently several centuries to this forgotten sinkhole in order to perform a series of tests. Now, I do not ask you to understand these tests. I'm not a cruel man. I just ask you to get the hell outta my way, so I that can finish my work! Is that clear?!
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[Cooper has a chat with Albert after the latter was decked by an irate Sheriff Truman.]
Albert Rosenfield: The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? [calling after Truman] A hail of bullets would be nice!
Dale Cooper: That's enough! The sheriff didn't mean anything.
Albert Rosenfield: He hit me!
Dale Cooper: Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.
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[Hotel-owner Ben and his brother Jerry discuss a group of Icelandic investors.]
Ben Horne: We've laid in a gala reception for your faired-haired boys tonight. All of Twin Peaks' best and brightest.
Jerry Horne: We're holding it in a phone booth?
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[One-Eyed Jack's madam Blackie chats with Cooper and Big Ed, undercover as "Barney" and "Fred".]
Blackie: Fred, what's your line?
Big Ed Hurley: Own a gas station.
[Cooper gives Big Ed a look.]
Big Ed Hurley: Uh-um, I'm an oral surgeon.
Blackie: Well, I've got a Chevy parked out back with a serious root canal problem. Wanna take a look?
Big Ed Hurley: Well, I was hoping you might need a little gum work, 'cause I'd sure like to get a look under your hood.
Blackie: [to Cooper] Mmmm… Fred's okay.
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[Sheriff Truman and Lucy visit Cooper in the hospital.]
Sheriff Truman: Lucy… you better bring Agent Cooper up to date.
Lucy Moran: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned, Shelly and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.
Dale Cooper: How long have I been out?
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[Albert is examining Cooper's injuries while he lists the problems of the Twin Peaks case.]
Albert Rosenfield: Meanwhile, one of your principal suspects is killed in his hospital bed, and the other is shot in his living room. You tell me: vigilante justice, or just clean country living?
Dale Cooper: Albert, where does this attitude of general unpleasantness come from?
Albert Rosenfield: I'll have to get back to you on that.
Dale Cooper: Well, if you don't want two black eyes on a regular basis, I suggest you make some kind of peace with the rural life.
Albert Rosenfield: Great. After the square dance, maybe we can all take a hayride.
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[Deputy Andy, who recently had a board he stepped on hit him in the face, interrupts Cooper and Albert.]
Dale Cooper: Andy! How's the nose?
Deputy Andy: Not a mark on it! Only blood squirted out.
Albert Rosenfield: Where do they keep his water dish?
. . .
Dale Cooper: Good work, Andy.
Albert Rosenfield: Yeah. Woof.
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Albert Rosenfield: I, uh, performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents revealed… let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat… and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio.
Dale Cooper: You're making a joke!
Albert Rosenfield: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations.
. . .
Albert Rosenfield: Oh, the world's most decrepit room service waiter remembers nothing out of the ordinary about the night in question. No surprise there. Señor Droolcup has, shall we say, a mind that wanders.
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Sheriff Truman: So, what did this giant sound like, huh? I mean, did he have a big, booming voice or what?
Dale Cooper: No, no! He spoke softly, distinctly.
Albert Rosenfield: And you gave him the beans you were supposed to use to buy a cow.
Dale Cooper: No, Albert! I gave him my ring.
Albert Rosenfield: Okay. Uh, confining my conclusions to the planet Earth…
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[Albert gives his forensic conclusions on an unknown perpetrator.]
Albert Rosenfield: … and he worked with Leo Johnson, currently appearing at Calhoun Memorial Hospital as Mr. Potato Head.
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Sheriff Truman: Anything we should be working on?
Albert Rosenfield: Yeah. You might practice walking without dragging your knuckles on the floor. Heh heh heh.
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Donna Hayward: There's things you can't get in books.
Harold Smith: There are things you can't get anywhere… but we dream they can be found in other people.
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Gordon Cole: COOPER, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA.
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[Cooper and Truman question the one-armed man, Mike.]
Dale Cooper: What does Bob want?
Mike, The One-Armed Man: He is Bob, eager for fun. He wears a smile. Everybody run!
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[Dale Cooper reads Harold Smith's suicide note.]
Dale Cooper: "J'ai une âme solitaire." I am a lonely soul. Poor guy.
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[One-armed man Mike noses around Ben Horne, who's being held for questioning.]
Jerry Horne: Sheriff… no offense, but, eh… clearly, this man's stairs do not reach the attic. Now, your 24 hours are up! You either charge my client or let him go!
Sheriff Truman: Ben Horne, I'm charging you with the murder of Laura Palmer.
Benjamin Horne: Yeah. Good move, Jer!
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[Agent Dennis "Denise" Bryson, dressed in drag, confers with Cooper et al.]
"Denise" Bryson: understand we're both staying at the Great Northern. How's the food up there?
Dale Cooper: Denise, you're in for a real surprise.
Sheriff Truman: [to himself] So are they.
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[Agent Bryson asks admiringly after the departing Audrey Horne.]
Dale Cooper: Denise, I would assume you're no longer interested in girls.
"Denise" Bryson: Coop, I may be wearing a dress, but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time, if you know what I mean.
Dale Cooper: Not really.
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[Albert observes suspended agent-cum-deputy Cooper's plaid shirt and khaki slacks.]
Albert Rosenfield: Oh, Coop, uh, about the uniform…
Dale Cooper: Yes, Albert?
Albert Rosenfield: Replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide, but, uh, call me crazy — on you it works.
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[Pete, helping Cooper figure out how to outplay evil genius Windom Earle at chess, is interrupted by his "students".]
Lucy Moran: Mr. Martel, Andy moved his knight without doing the little hook thing.
Deputy Andy: You don't have to do the little hook thing; that's optional.
Pete Martell: Andy, uh… the knight has to do the "little hook thing".
Deputy Andy: Every time?
Pete Martell: It's a privilege! No one else gets to make that move.
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[Near-deaf FBI boss Gordon Cole and Shelly are sharing a diner booth with Cooper and Annie. As Gordon and Shelly kiss, her boyfriend Bobby walks in.]
Bobby Briggs: Hey! What the hell's going on?
Gordon Cole: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. [to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before.
Dale Cooper: Uh, Gordon…
Gordon Cole: [to Bobby] TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!
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[Windom Earle has Major Briggs tied up to a giant dartboar.d]
Windom Earle: What is the capital of North Carolina?
Major Briggs: Raleigh.
Windom Earle: Fat load of good that'll do me.