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Who will succeed Justice Antonin Scalia, dead at 79?

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Author Topic: Who will succeed Justice Antonin Scalia, dead at 79?  (Read 302 times)
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« on: February 20, 2016, 05:06:35 pm »

How Supreme Court Justices Are Chosen
February 16, 2016
Vol 52 Issue 06    News · Government · Supreme Court

Here is a step-by-step guide to how U.S. Supreme Court justices are selected:

    Step 1: Supreme Court vacancy opens after a sitting justice dies, retires, or is promoted to the Galactic Circuit
    Step 2: President wistfully crosses out own name from list of potential candidates
    Step 3: Official presidential nominee slowly lowered by rope into Senate Judiciary Committee pit
    Step 4: Nominee charged one-time $30 background check fee
    Step 5: Candidate asked whether they see themselves in exact same place 35 years from now
    Step 6: Judiciary Committee members ask nominee whether they capable of writing a dissent that could be described as “blistering”
    Step 7: Candidate attests they have no opinion whatsoever on issue of abortion, don’t know what it is, and frankly have never heard such a word uttered before
    Step 8: Senate takes nominee out to drinks to see how they act in casual, informal setting
    Step 9: Nominee stands as their predecessor’s robe is draped over them to see if government can save a few bucks on not ordering a new one
    Step 10: Following months of direct questioning, witness testimony, and poring over the nominee’s qualifications and judicial history, the Senate votes on whether they like the president or not
    Step 11: If confirmed, justice takes oath of office and is assigned a bench buddy to help them through their first few opinions
    Step 12: If candidate not confirmed, process repeats indefinitely until other party holds White House or country is awash in the hot, crimson blood of neighbor killing neighbor, whichever comes first
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