you do have a flair for combining a comedy of errors with tragedy. when is the last performance?
Tell me, most unworthy creature, scandal of the feathered race. Must I see my friends and kinsmen massacred before my face? Heaven forbid, I would only ask you to be consistent, or if you change, change openly and let there be no deception. For you will recall, birdbrain, what was previously requested by you, which I have now provided; what say you sage that you are? Surely we must have your answers, as you requested of me. Now there is no doubt; are you going to run away before you have fairly taught or learned whether it is true that Pindar was the first to coin the phrase, Pillars of Heracles? Why do you ask me when is my last performance, don't you know anything about comedy and tragedy? Are you not broadened enough to know our dear ancient Greek artists in these matters, or are you stuck on just one Ode? But if you did know, you would know where it begins and ends. But the last, the very last of my performance is not quite yet. We are only at the prelude, if you persist with your nonsense and charades. Be bold and announce your ignorance openly because, modesty in not good for a needy man. Therefore do not be modest; not to worry, we cannot see you blush and note those pink cheeks behind your curtain of ignorance. Good men do not need compelling, but you do. Wherefore necessity must be laid upon you, and you must be induced to admit your faults from the fear of embarrassment.
Of what benefit is your willingness to, freely, admit faults? Just this. You will lose your conceit, because in your ignorance, you think yourself cleaver, and that admonitory sort of instruction, like, "eat this," is not good, it gives much trouble and does little good. But, when others cross-examine a man's words, and when he thinks that he is saying something and really saying nothing, and when he is easily convicted of inconsistencies in his opinions; these they then collect by the dialectical process, and placing them side by side, show that they contradict one another about the same things, and in the same respect. He, seeing this, is angry with himself, and grows gentle towards others, and thus is entirely delivered from great prejudices and harsh notions, in a way which is most amusing to the readers, and produces the most lasting good effect on the person, you, who is the subject of the operation. For as the physician considers that the body will receive no benefit from taking food until the internal "obstacles" are evacuated, so the purifier of the mind is conscious that his patient will not benefit from the application of knowledge until you are refuted, and from refutation learn modesty; you must be purged of your prejudices first and made to think that you know only what you know, and no more. And you know nothing of these matters you bring out and pride yourself on. For this reason, we must admit that refutation is the greatest and chief of purification, though one be the greatest expert of all, he himself, is in an awful state of impurity.
Yes my friend, in a word, is not the art of disputation a power of disputing about all things? I ask can a man know everything? happy would mankind be if such a thing were possible! But I ask you, how can anyone who is ignorant, like you, dispute in a rational manner against him who knows? Don't give me those two liners of controversial nonsense, and do please learn to read and interpret events and timelines correctly. But am I concerned with your nonsense? No! There are other eyes to see, those, if fair and wise, the truth discerns. What do I need from you, another lollipop?
As we also say in baseball, it's over when the fat lady sings! So start singing you hydra, and multi-headed dumb bird! Heracles finished his labors, and I'm not coming down to your level, with one liners, so it's not eat this, but please, do sing; I have nothing of mine stuck in your mouth, but only the Greek sages you placed there yourself. Be sure to clear your throat though before you start, like the great tenors do; sing us an aria worthy of you; perhaps from Rigoletto, La Donna e Mobile? Or if you cannot reach those high notes, try a Ted Nugent tune, "Stranglehold."
I'm here in my festive array, and no man could be more ready for the promised banquet. So entertain me now, as I have entertained you. Start singing and dancing, and if you want John's head on a silver platter for your reward, you better dance and sing well, really well! We want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I'll throw in a couple of crackers too, for any of your feathered friends and supporters that will come to your aid. (Names withheld)
Peace, and blessing to you, dear esteemed friend, may the Lord give you courage!