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6 Reasons We're Closer To Discovering Aliens Than You Think

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Author Topic: 6 Reasons We're Closer To Discovering Aliens Than You Think  (Read 42 times)
Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2015, 05:48:26 pm »




It's still less terrifying than that time we thawed out Brendan Fraser, though.

And hey, speaking of viruses ...
#2. Molds And Lichens Love Space
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2015, 05:49:04 pm »



As we've gone over, life is hardier than we thought, and certain organisms treat space being inhospitable more like a suggestion than a rule. Unfortunately, that includes the really gross ****.

Mold spores sent into space -- presumably to teach them who's boss -- have returned unscathed after 18 months on the outer surface of the International Space Station. Some of the less UV-resistant individuals died in the great cosmic plight, but a good portion of these surly bastards made it home to their wife and children. Similarly, an exobiological study conducted by the European Space Agency launched a craft full of lichens (tiny communities of algal and fungal cells) into low Earth orbit. The European man whose clothes hamper they collected that from stayed home. Anyway, the lichens were exposed to the lethal cosmic vacuum for 14.6 days but, disturbingly, returned to Earth displaying zero cell damage and a bitchin' tan.
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2015, 05:50:02 pm »



Universal History Archive/Universal Images Group/Getty Images

For a while, the cosmos seemed drier than current-day California. However, according to NASA and other reputable space agencies, the universe is actually a giant water park, and even our solar system is far wetter than anyone dreamed. For a quick primer, NASA has unveiled an infographic detailing the status of several (potential) watering holes, each close enough to be meticulously and mercilessly probed by the cold fingers of technology -- even tiny, distant Pluto has a potentially wet ecosystem with impressive geysers shooting from its scrotum-like folds:
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2015, 05:51:00 pm »




"And a giant middle finger for the whole 'dwarf planet' thing, assholes."

Most recently, we've sniffed out a salt ocean on Ganymede, Jupiter's overweight bastard child and the largest moon in the solar system. Or, more accurately, it's in Ganymede -- astronomers believe there's a subsurface ocean that could be 60 miles thick, or 10 times deeper than our own. Apparently, there's more water hiding in this moon than on all of Earth's surface, making it look like a huge matryoshka doll.
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2015, 05:51:23 pm »



NASA / ESA / A. Feild

"Told you it was just water weight. I can lose it with just a few orbit laps."

Then there's Enceladus, a moon of Saturn and a cosmic Kinder Egg that can't stop astounding us with its hospitality. We've mentioned the moon's subterranean ocean and ejaculating ice volcanoes, but the recent discovery of deep hydrothermal vents there has given astrobiologists a severe case of existential blue balls. The vents are eerily similar to those littering our own ocean floor, spewing the same type of organic sludge that eventually formed pizza-eating hominids here on Earth.

And we might not even need to peruse the solar hinterlands for aliens, because apparently Mars was a tropical paradise 4.5 billion years ago, when a young Mars hosted a massive, North Hemisphere-engulfing sea -- it contained more water than the Arctic Ocean, was spread over an area larger than the Atlantic, and was probably teeming with Mars-sharks. The mile-deep ocean covered a fifth of the planet for hundreds of millions of years before it slowly evaporated and left us the dry wasteland we see today. According to the following simulation, Mars once looked like the Firefox logo:
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2015, 05:52:02 pm »




M. Kornmesser / European Southern Observatory / Nick Risinger

Now it's more like Netscape (in population).

At this point, if we can't find proof of alien life soon it's probably because they're hiding from us, though we can't imagine why. (Just kidding; it's because of Pitbull.)
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Kristen Kroll
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« Reply #21 on: May 17, 2015, 05:52:11 pm »

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