Americans need to eat MORE junk food, not less

[Lars Worthington III]

What's wrong with you, Americans? What is this new fascination with dieting? Americans should rightly seek to hold onto their spot as the most obese country in the history of the earth. The larger our waistlines are, the richer we look, that's how it is in Republican households anyway. They say that salt and sugar are bad for you, I say that, over time, our bodies will evolve to adapt to salt and sugar to the point where we shall need huge heaping gobs of both, craving them like water. So have as many meats, fries, colas and desserts as you can manage, oh, and tell the liberals where they can stuff it when they insist you begin eating more rabbit food. We're not rabbits, we're Americans, damn it.