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Top 10 Reasons to Vote For Mitt Romney (Satire)

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Volitzer
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« on: June 16, 2012, 02:53:26 pm »

An Open Letter to Democratic and Republican Voters

Our dear slaves,

We, the Rothschilds and Rockefellers of the world, extend our heartfelt thanks to the tens of millions of mainline Democrats and mainline Republicans out there who make up the bulk of the American electorate.

First and foremost, thank you for the trillions in extortion “bailout” money, and for continuing to vote for one or the other of the two political parties that jointly gave us all that money at your expense.

Thank you for letting our uniformed goons grope, radiate and harass you and your loved ones (especially your children!) at the airport.

Thank you for always putting partisanship above principle.

Thank you for always winking and looking the other way (or mindlessly applauding) when "your" party does the very things you wax indignant about whenever the "other" party does them, and for being willfully blind to the moral and intellectual hypocrisy this betrays.

Thank you for never questioning the validity of the "wasted vote" argument.

Thank you for being such willing dupes for the teleprompter-reading puppets (e.g., Clinton, Bush, Obama, Romney, etc.) we put before you every election season, and for never asking them real questions.

Thank you for being so willfully stupid as to think there’s no fundamental difference between an election and a horse race, and for consequently assuming that even if the candidate you vote for supports the very policies you most passionately oppose, as long as he wins the election, you “win” as well.

Thank you for sheepishly letting our water-carrying, talking point-parroting minions in the TV "news" media dictate to you not only which issues are more important than others, but what your "choices" are on election day.

Thank you for being so ridiculously gullible that you honestly think a pro-war/pro-police state/pro-debt money/pro-NWO Democrat, on the one hand, and a pro-war/pro-police state/pro-debt money/pro-NWO Republican, on the other, represents an actual "choice."

Thank you for being so cowardly, so pathetic, and so unwilling to question the validity of your fairy-tale worldview, that -- no matter how many **** facts are spoon fed to you by informed truth-seekers -- you go right on clinging to the term "conspiracy theory" the way a four-year-old child clings to his teddy bear.

Thank you for having so much of your precious egos invested in the delusional fantasy that we (the ruling-class oligarchs you like to pretend don't exist) never "conspire" to engage in criminal wrongdoing, that you have to be dragged kicking and screaming (like the spoiled children you all are) into acknowleding each and every fact that points in the opposite direction.

Thank you for doing the "SIEG HEIL!" to the official story on 9/11 whenever someone criticizes either the Nazi-style police state or terroristic wars of aggression for which that official story continues to serve as the all-justifying excuse.

Thank you for spending nearly all your free time either gazing glassy-eyed at the television, playing video games, or fondling your cell phones.

Thank you for always treating politics as just another specator sport.

Thank you for being unwilling to recognize an Orwellian euphemism when you hear one (or, even better, for being blissfully ignorant of what the term euphemism even means).

And last but certainly not least, thank you for being so arrogant as to think that giggling and snickering at everything like you’re still in high school some how makes you part of our club -- and hence immune from our depopulation agenda. (News flash: it doesn't.)

Were it not for your willful ignorance, your moral and intellectul cowardice, and your childlike obsession with mindless distractions, we wouldn't be having such a laughably easy time economically ass-raping you and wrapping the Nazification of America in the American flag.

You are without question the wet dream of every totalitarian dictator who's ever lived, because there's absolutely no amount of tyranny or police state thuggery you won't sheepishly put up with as long as (a) you have TVs to gawk at and cell phones to fondle, and (b) you have someone -- anyone -- to look down your snooty little noses at.

Your increasingly and ravenously affectionate owners,

The Eight Families
 
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