the Origins of Love

[Volitzer]

No rape is forced and is not a choice, domestic abuse is voluntary and is a choice.

Before I go off on you big-time, do you actually mean to say that a woman choses domestic abuse?

Only in NYS, the rest of the world it may be a matter of being trapped by circumstance.  No insult intended here.  Like my eHarmony sweetie keeps saying NY women are a breed of their own.

However we as guys see women put up with a lot of crap from jerk-guys and are stunned in amazement at times.

Liike in Spiderman 1, a lot of the Peter-Parker types see a lot of Mary-Jane-Watson types date a lot of obnoxious Flash-Thompson types and wonder... what the hell ?? 

[Volitzer]

Feminists have been infiltrated by the international-socialist-order to destroy the American family and since the 1970s and they've done a pretty good job.

That's right wing propaganda, most feminists are concerned with getting women more rights in the workplace and more protections in society.  With that, they (we) have done a pretty good job! 

I agree, it wasn't until feminism went down the professional victim route it lost momentum in many people's eyes.

No offense but your list is too general and not too different from any other female's list.  Don't you have anything unique that attracts you to men???

Sure, I like nice eyes and I like tall guys, and guys with a sense of humor, but most women say that as well.  I guess when it comes down to it, women shouldn't be that hard to figure out then cause we pretty much all want the same things.

So it doesn't matter if the guy's a jock, on the nerdy side, a musician, artsy, Future Business Leader of America type, Political savant, or military type it doesn't matter to you??    From what I see musicians and artists always stand out cuz women see those as guys in touch with their feelings more.  That's great you'd give all categories of guys an equal chance. 

Here in NY there's such classism it's sick. 

[Volitzer]

Sure, I like nice eyes and I like tall guys, and guys with a sense of humor, but most women say that as well.  I guess when it comes down to it, women shouldn't be that hard to figure out then cause we pretty much all want the same things.

So what have you and Jade to say about the 29 dimension dynamic??

How will eHarmony interact with feminism in the future??   Wouldn't a feminist want someone who is compatible with her??

[Volitzer]

There do need to be tougher deadbeat dad laws.  If men didn't walk away from their responsibilites often as they did, they wouldn't need them.  A man gets a woman pregnant, it doesn't happen on her own (unless you're the Virgin Mary). Like the old saying goes, "if you can't do the time, you shouldn't do the crime."

  Okay now why can't women use their anterior cingulate cortex and use dimensions numbers 6 & 7, Understandings About Family, and Family Values before having sex and getting pregnant?? 

And as for blaming the victims of domestic abuse for their own beatings, that's just plain sick.  You really need to get off that crap, as I imagine it alienates most of the women here.

Again where is the anterior cingulate cortex in all this??  Why does it read into lateness and other silly things but fails at dimensional analysis??

By your logic, rape victims would also be responsible for being raped.  That logic is the height of all stupidity.

No rape is forced and is not a choice, domestic abuse is voluntary and is a choice.

The exercise she gave you was to learn about yourself, to try and get you to look at your flaws (ten posts about them in a row) as opposed to you always trying to blame women for your relationship issues.  You should still do it.

Now that I'm in a great one... why should I ??   I mean there's no one that's perfect and besides what Jade sees as a flaw, my eHarmony sweetie could see as a strength. 

I could post my eHarmony profile.   

Still want to read what goes on with my personality.  I was surprised with some things myself.   

[HereForNow]

Ok, Post it!
 

On the note of domestic abuse. I have involutarely been a victom.
My ex, launched me over the back of a couch once just because I smiled during an argument.

Instead of hitting back, I walked away with one eye swelled shut.
She then ran out behind me and hit me like 20 more times.
Never swinging back, I then turned to her and asked her if this is how she likes me to look.

She began to cry, and then finally tried to apologize.
I finally left her after putting up with it for 3 years.
As a result of the abuse I endured, I went 2 years without any interaction with anyone.
I wasn't going to be physically or mentally abused any more.

When I met my wife after that 2 years, I was unable to feel the attachment that I should have because I did not want any women to think they could just rip my heart out again and again. She later proved that she wasn't out to control or abuse me.
Yet, my past experiences to this day keeps me from loving anyone as much as I wish I could.

It's a truth that I just relized recently, and it's a part of me that I need to let go of.
  I hate what domestic abuse can do to people. It's like it just rips out your very soul.
Leaves one feeling empty and distru****l of everything and everyone.
Always building walls that allow all the wrong ones in and keeps the right ones out.
In my case, the only reason I was able to leave the one who punished me for loving them was the fact that I was not affraid of her.

That is the only way someone can make the choice to leave. If they are affraid, then it's not an option for them. It becomes a matter of survival to stay. I feel so bad for anyone, (ecspecially women) who are in this situation. I here about women who were beatin to death by men. I totally despise men who hit women and the same goes for women who do this to men. If you really want to be with someone, fear is not a tool for sustaining a relationship.

Here it is, 12 years later and right under my left eye is a permanent reminder of what abuse can do to a persons very soul.

[Jeannette Latoria]

I agree, it wasn't until feminism went down the professional victim route it lost momentum in many people's eyes.

Do you know how workplace harrassment suits started in the United States, Volitzer?  It began with the case Jenson v. Eveleth Taconite Co. (1988)

Lois E. Jenson v. Eveleth Taconite Co. was the first class-action sexual harassment lawsuit in the United States, filed in 1988 on behalf of Lois Jenson and other female workers at the EVTAC mine in Eveleth, Minnesota on the state's northern Mesabi Range, which is part of the Iron Range. The case was documented in the 2002 book Class Action and a 2005 fictionalized film version, North Country.


Jenson first began working at the site in 1975 and along with other women, endured a continuous stream of abhorrent behavior from male employees, including sexual harassment, abusive language, threats, stalking and intimidation. In October 1984, she mailed a complaint to the Minnesota Department of Human Rights [1] outlining the problems she experienced. In retaliation, her car tires were slashed a week later. The state requested that Ogelbay Norton Co.[2], a Cleveland, Ohio-based part-owner of the mine, pay US$ 11,000 to Jenson in damages, but the company refused.

They made a film on it, North Country, see it before you complain about the kinds of things women have to go through at work. 

[Jeannette Latoria]

Now that I'm in a great one... why should I ??   I mean there's no one that's perfect and besides what Jade sees as a flaw, my eHarmony sweetie could see as a strength. 

I doubt that.  Why don't you ask her what she thinks are your strengths and flaws?

Then let us all here know the answer.   

[Jeannette Latoria]

Ok, Post it!
 

On the note of domestic abuse. I have involutarely been a victom.
My ex, launched me over the back of a couch once just because I smiled during an argument.

Instead of hitting back, I walked away with one eye swelled shut.
She then ran out behind me and hit me like 20 more times.
Never swinging back, I then turned to her and asked her if this is how she likes me to look.

She began to cry, and then finally tried to apologize.
I finally left her after putting up with it for 3 years.
As a result of the abuse I endured, I went 2 years without any interaction with anyone.
I wasn't going to be physically or mentally abused any more.

When I met my wife after that 2 years, I was unable to feel the attachment that I should have because I did not want any women to think they could just rip my heart out again and again. She later proved that she wasn't out to control or abuse me.
Yet, my past experiences to this day keeps me from loving anyone as much as I wish I could.

It's a truth that I just relized recently, and it's a part of me that I need to let go of.
  I hate what domestic abuse can do to people. It's like it just rips out your very soul.
Leaves one feeling empty and distru****l of everything and everyone.
Always building walls that allow all the wrong ones in and keeps the right ones out.
In my case, the only reason I was able to leave the one who punished me for loving them was the fact that I was not affraid of her.

That is the only way someone can make the choice to leave. If they are affraid, then it's not an option for them. It becomes a matter of survival to stay. I feel so bad for anyone, (ecspecially women) who are in this situation. I here about women who were beatin to death by men. I totally despise men who hit women and the same goes for women who do this to men. If you really want to be with someone, fear is not a tool for sustaining a relationship.

Here it is, 12 years later and right under my left eye is a permanent reminder of what abuse can do to a persons very soul.

Wow, you are one heck of a guy to put up with all that, HFN.  But, in the long run, you aren't doing yourself any good. You should have called the cops.

A woman shouldn't be hitting a man anymore than a guy should be hitting a woman, no one should be hitting each other!  Violence is not the way to solve a problem. 

[HereForNow]

Well Jean, I loved her at the time.
The whole thing did a real number on me.

I'm thankful that it is over and I was atleast able to move on without anymore problems.
The really sick thing about it all was when my ex found out I was getting married.
She actually tried to sleep with me just to sway my decision. I smiled and told her no, then walked away.
                                     

DON'T NEED THAT DRAMA!

I could go on and on about all the times I could have and denied her that oppurtunity.
The sick part about me was when I did sleep with my ex's best-friend and ended up in that relationship I told you all about. Remember the affair I had while I was married?
 
That attraction started way before my wife or my ex.
Pretty heavy, huh?

Now, I have my sanity and my experience to guide me through the rainy days ahead.
As for my lover, ex-wife, and present wife, I plan to remain a friend.

[Volitzer]

Now that I'm in a great one... why should I ??   I mean there's no one that's perfect and besides what Jade sees as a flaw, my eHarmony sweetie could see as a strength. 

I doubt that.  Why don't you ask her what she thinks are your strengths and flaws?

Then let us all here know the answer.   

I'm there for her when she looses a job, and when she's sick and just stressing out.  I'm more than just a fair-weather boyfriend, which is a major flaw with NY women.  You got the money and the good times they'll be around, go through a job loss or bankruptcy and watch the rats leave the sinking ship.

I wonder how many women this applies to here.

[HereForNow]

Interesting that you mention job loss.
I was dislocated from March 15 of this year to May 22...

I knew how to build so now thats what I'm doing for a living.
I love it! In the whole process, my friends were are trying to pull me into their shops.
No one bailed.

[Volitzer]

What's amazing about NY women is that even when they're not working and you loose your job they get all like "Wot the hell??"  I know this happens elsewhere as well but it's like 90% of women here.

I wonder how much monetary stress is behind beatings here.  Too bad no one will keep stats like that.

[Volitzer]

Now that I'm in a great one... why should I ??   I mean there's no one that's perfect and besides what Jade sees as a flaw, my eHarmony sweetie could see as a strength. 

I doubt that.  Why don't you ask her what she thinks are your strengths and flaws?

Then let us all here know the answer.   

She sent me a book by the Dahli Lama titled.  "How to see yourself for who you really are." 

I'm only finished Chapter 1 thus far, but I admit to her that New York isn't the most normal place for human relationships.   

[HereForNow]

Alot of relationships fail because of stress...

Other factors do apply to how the couple handles it.
Screeming and yelling is not productive. One of the things I am doing different is exercising and worrying about one thing at a time.

I take martial arts to help me with most kinds of stress. The other things I was getting stressed out about, became so much easier for me to deal with after I changed my thinking about them. Now when the height of stress peaks and I feel like I just want to explode, I go into my basement for about 10 minutes with ear plugs and sit with my eyes closed and it creates an emotional bypass for me. My wife, will go for a drive through Harborcreek, or Northeast twp. (back country)

The smell of the cut grass and fresh air helps her. It just takes a moment to clear your mind and focas on one task at a time. Stress kinda just flows away for the moment and it does make it easier to talk about what needs to be done.

[HereForNow]

Getting back to the work related stress, I was outta work and at first it was very stressful for me.
I know things are bad all over the country so instead of going and doing what every one else was for work, I turned to something that I really like doing and decided on how I wanted to go about making money doing it. Once the smoke cleared and the battle was over, I arose from my fox hole with a loaded M-16 and went forth conquering. Instead of looking for yes's, I want to see how many no's I could find first. After 2 no's, I found that yes quickly using this approach.