April 17, 2024, 04:56:02 pm
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
1 Day
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
News
: Ice Age blast 'ravaged America'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6676461.stm
Home
Help
Arcade
Gallery
Links
Staff List
Calendar
Login
Register
7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
Atlantis Online
>
Forum
>
Science Fiction & Fantasy
>
Comic Books
>
Comic Book Creators
>
7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies (Read 432 times)
0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic.
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:38:25 am »
7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
July 21, 2011 | 7:00 am
Captain America officially opens Friday and word has it there’s a trailer for the Avengers at the end, which you may have seen online in all its poorly lit, pirated glory. While the movie promises to be the biggest damn thing in the history of comic book movies to date (and that includes the two kick ass Swamp Thing movies from the 80’s) there’s still some important decisions that have to go into making sure it doesn’t tank like so much Howard the Duck. And that means making sure a handful of Avengers are scheduled to be out of town during filming. Fact is, not everyone on the team’s roster is as cool as the Hulk or Iron Man. And no, we will not mention anyone from the Great Lakes Avengers, because those clowns don’t count.
D-Man
Are you familiar with D-Man? Of course not. D-Bag perhaps is a better name, but D-Man (aka Demolition Man) was a second string Avenger who, quite on purpose, looked like the bastard love child of Daredevil and Wolverine. Why? Because they were both epically more popular than this jobber could ever be and D-Bag’s parents couldn’t be bothered to give a **** either way what he wore outside.
B-Man’s powers consist of the standard mix of uncreative powers that literally every lazy character has – super strength, speed and stamina, but with the added bonus of a mild drug addiction and a heart condition. Because who cares why.
In the books, after working with him on some cockamamie scheme in the past, Captain America invites D-Bag to be the first new Avenger after the old team disbands. Then he promptly blows up in a plane crash. But fear not, because much later he does return, apparently have suffered a mental breakdown and bunking with Eskimos. Avengers, ho!
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #1
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:39:42 am »
Two Gun Kid
f there’s one thing modern comics don’t have enough of it’s novelty cowboys. Like, the X-men are cool and all, but wouldn’t Iceman have been way more awesome if, instead of being able to freeze things, he wore a blue cowboy hat and a red neckerchief and his superpowers consisted of no actual superpowers whatsoever, but he was really good with a lasso? No? Huh.
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #2
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:40:45 am »
Dr. Druid
There are some fine doctors in the world of comics; Dr. Doom, Dr. Octopus, Dr. Phil, but every so often someone with a PhD from a Caribbean correspondence school sneaks in and makes us all feel bad. In this case, Dr. Druid (not a codename) who is a master of hypnosis and some dime-store magic, serves as the all powerful understudy to Dr. Strange! No really, his job was to be Dr. Strange if Dr. Strange couldn’t handle the job. But he did. So Dr. Druid had no point at all, really. Good for him!
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #3
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:41:25 am »
Ulysses Bloodstone
With a name this awesome you’re probably wondering how Uly here got on the list, but don’t call us liars yet. You see, Ulysses is like 10,000 years old thanks to an alien stone embedded in his chest and, as a result of that stone, he has increased speed. And strength. Dexterity. Intelligence. Reflexes. Senses. Healing abilities. Plus he’s immortal. And immune to disease. And he’s rich. And he can speak all languages. And he can use all weapons. And he once invented a wetter kind of water. And he can clap with one hand. And he’s seen all celebrities naked. And he can pee and then just stop mid stream if he wants to. He should have been the Avengers all by himself.
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #4
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:41:56 am »
The Whizzer
After graduating from the Superhero Community College of Awesome Names, The Whizzer jumped right into the Avengers with the super unique power of running very fast. Yeah, he’s the Flash. Except the Flash is a DC character, so he’s the Marvel version. Except Quicksilver is the Marvel version. And had been an Avenger for over 10 years before the Whizzer showed up. So he’s just a rerun with a **** name.
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #5
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:42:44 am »
Silverclaw
Lest you think there’s no diversity in the Avengers, meet Maria de Guadalupe Santiago, the Avenger with the most Hispanic name Marvel writers could come up with after a 2 hour brainstorming session. Maria may trick you, at first glance, into thinking she doesn’t suck, because he powers are to basically become a werewolf. Thing is it’s not necessarily a wolf that she turns into, it’s various rainforesty animals from her home country of Marvel-Made-Up-A-South-American-Country-Istan. They could have just said she was Columbian, but instead they made her from Costa Verde. Whatever.
Anyway, it still seems like she could have potential – werejaguar, wereanaconda, that’s kind of badass. But then you look at the list of things she’s turned into you and you’ll see the words “cockatoo” and “sloth.”
Now admittedly, a weresloth can do all kinds of things, Renee Zellwegger is remarkably popular, but in the world of superheroes you really need to step it up.
Report Spam
Logged
Moonknight
Full Member
Posts: 32
Re: 7 Avengers Too Lame for the Movies
«
Reply #6
on:
September 15, 2011, 12:43:37 am »
Starfox
Oh, Starfox. So this guy’s real name is Eros and his super power is the ability to stimulate the pleasure centers of your brain. So he’s like a psychic boner. And he was accused in one storyline of being a rapist. Superhero indeed.
http://www.holytaco.com/7-avengers-too-lame-for-the-movies/?utm_source=scribol&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=scribol
Report Spam
Logged
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Atlantis Online - Messages
-----------------------------
=> Messages
=> Administrative Messages
=> Commemorating Dates in History
=> Alerts & Warnings
=> Upcoming Events, Releases & Ads
=> Television: Shows & Events
-----------------------------
the Coffee Shop
-----------------------------
=> the Coffee Shop
=> Atlantis: Polls & News
=> Poltical Alerts
=> Causes & Activism
-----------------------------
Videos, Documentaries & Online Movies
-----------------------------
=> Ancient History & Lost Civilizations
=> Ghosts, UFOs & the Esoteric
=> Music, Entertainment & the Arts
=> Conspiracies & Suppressed Knowledge
=> Documentary & Videos
-----------------------------
Ages of the Earth
-----------------------------
=> The Early Earth, Geology & Fossils
=> Dinosaurs
=> Catastrophes & Mass Extinctions
=> Ice Age
=> Humanity's Origins & Civilization's First Steps
-----------------------------
Mythology & Heroic Sagas of Culture & Myth
-----------------------------
=> Mythology
=> Greek Mythology
=> Arthurian Myth
=> Quest for King Arthur
-----------------------------
Atlantis
-----------------------------
=> Atlantis & the Atlantic Ocean
=> Atlantis: Theories & Speculation
=> Plato's Atlantis
=> the Scientific Atlantis
=> Geology & Atlantis
=> Atlantis & the New Age
=> Atlantis in the Media
-----------------------------
Satellite Discoveries & Alternate Archaeology
-----------------------------
=> Alternate Archaeology
=> Satellite Discoveries & Aerial Archaeology
=> the Bock Saga
-----------------------------
Maps, Explorers & Adventurers
-----------------------------
=> the Oceans
=> Islands
=> the Bahamas, Bermuda, Cuba & the West Indies
=> Explorers & Adventurers
=> Maps, Cartographers & Cartography
-----------------------------
Egypt & the Pyramids
-----------------------------
=> Gods of Egypt
=> Egypt & the Pyramids
=> the Giza Complex
=> the Dynasties of Egypt
=> Egypt: Latest Discoveries
-----------------------------
the Guanches, Basques, Berbers & Sea People
-----------------------------
=> Guanches, Basques & Berbers
=> Pirates, Phantom Islands & Stories of the Sea
=> the Sea People
-----------------------------
the Ancient World
-----------------------------
=> Neolithic Europe
=> Stonehenge & the Druids
=> the Library of Alexandria, Ancient Historians & Philosophers
=> Ancient Warfare
=> the Spartans
-----------------------------
the Dawn of Civilization
-----------------------------
=> Africa, the Cradle of Life
=> China & the Asian Empires
=> Eastern Mysticism, India, & the Ancient Far East
=> Zoroastrianism, Arabia & the Near East
=> the Sumerians
=> Ancient Asia Minor
=> Hawaii, Australia, Alaska & the Pacific Rim
-----------------------------
Ancient Mediterranean Cultures
-----------------------------
=> Minoan Crete
=> Phoenicians & Carthage
=> Mediterranean Islands
=> Israelities & the Kabbalah
=> Etruscans
=> Ancient Greece
=> Rome: Empire & Republic
-----------------------------
Ancient European Cultures
-----------------------------
=> The Picts & Celts
=> Ireland: History & Myths
=> Balkan History
=> Italy & Magna Graecia
=> the Vikings & Scandinavia
=> Germanic History
-----------------------------
Timelines of Ancient Europe
-----------------------------
=> History of Britain
=> Scotland: in History & Lore
=> Continental Europe: Past & Present
=> the Dark Ages
=> the Medieval World
=> The Renaissance
-----------------------------
the Ancient Americas
-----------------------------
=> the Ancient Americas
=> Peru: Mysteries & Prehistory
=> Mesoamerican & South American Cultures
===> Aztec
===> Incan
===> Olmec
===> Toltec & Teotihuacan
=> Mayan
=> Native American
=> Canada: Past & Present
-----------------------------
The Crusades, Templars & the Holy Grail
-----------------------------
=> the Crusades
=> the Knights Templar
=> The Holy Grail & Christian artifacts
=> The Sacred Feminine, the Cathars & Gnosticism
=> the Da Vinci Code
-----------------------------
Ancient Mysteries
-----------------------------
=> Philosophy
=> Ancient Mysteries
=> Lemuria, Mu & other sunken civilizations
=> Easter Island
=> Oak Island
-----------------------------
Archaeology & Anthropology
-----------------------------
=> Museums & Universities
=> Archaeology
=> Ancient Languages
=> Archaeological News
=> Underwater Archaeology
-----------------------------
Ancient Knowledge, Mysticism & Sacred Beliefs
-----------------------------
=> Ley Lines, Ancient Astronomy & Archeoastronomy
=> Prophecy, 2012, End Times & the End of the World
=> Sacred Symbols
=> The Ancient Arts: Astrology, Alchemy, the Tarot, Arcane Recondite Practices & the I Ching
-----------------------------
Search for the Sacred
-----------------------------
=> Angels & Angelology
=> Goddess Worship
=> Search for the Sacred
=> World Religions
=> the Urantia Book
=> Wicca, Witchcraft, Paganism & Ritual Magic
-----------------------------
Health & Healing
-----------------------------
=> Health, Healing & Medical News
=> Human Biology
=> Love & Relationships
=> Women's Studies
-----------------------------
Science & Technology
-----------------------------
=> Science, Physics & Technology
=> History of Science
=> Evolution vs. Intelligent Design
=> Human Genetics
-----------------------------
Earth Changes
-----------------------------
=> Earth Changes
=> Global Warming
=> Botany & Plant Life
===> Plants of the Americas that Changed the World
=> Antarctica & the Arctic
-----------------------------
Space
-----------------------------
=> NASA
=> Mars, the Red Planet
=> Life on Other Worlds
=> the Universe
=> Images from Space
-----------------------------
UFOs, Aliens & Future Science
-----------------------------
=> UFO's
=> Aliens & Alien Abduction
=> UFO Evidence & in the Media
=> Alternate History & Multiverses
=> Future Science
=> Time Travel
-----------------------------
the Occult
-----------------------------
=> Ghosts & Apparitions
=> Communicating with the Dead
=> Paranormal Events, Reincarnation & Near Death Experiences
=> the Enchanted World
=> the Supernatural
=> the Occult
-----------------------------
the Unexplained
-----------------------------
=> Cryptozoology
=> Bigfoot Sightings
=> the Unexplained
=> the Hollow Earth, Crop Circles, Strange Structures & Devices
=> Vanishings & Unsolved Murders
-----------------------------
Science Fiction & Fantasy
-----------------------------
=> Lord of the Rings
=> Science Fiction
=> King Kong, Gigantopithecus & the Mountain Gorilla
=> Godzilla, King of Monsters
=> Comic Books
===> Comic Book Creators
===> Videogames & Toys
-----------------------------
Halloween & Seasonal
-----------------------------
=> Halloween
=> Seasonal
=> Monsters of Myth, Movies & Folklore
=> Ghost Stories
=> the Zombie Apocalypse
-----------------------------
Genres of Film & Literature
-----------------------------
=> Universal Horror
=> H. P. Lovecraft
=> Horror
=> Dark Shadows
=> Twin Peaks
=> Online Horror Movies Sci-Fi & TV Series
-----------------------------
Arts & Literature
-----------------------------
=> Online Books & Research Papers
=> Classical Literature & Book Reviews
=> Art History
=> Architecture
=> Sculpture & Statuary
=> the Great Masters
=> Music
-----------------------------
Media & Film
-----------------------------
=> Cinema
=> the History of Film
=> Marilyn Monroe
=> Actresses & Models
=> Entertainment News
-----------------------------
Modern Historical Mysteries
-----------------------------
=> American History
===> Presidents of the United States
=> the World Wars
===> the Great Depression
=> the Holocaust
=> the Middle East: Past & Present
=> Modern History
===> the Industrial Age
===> Civil Rights
=> Great Cities of the World
=> the Kennedys: Their History & Assasinations
=> New York City: Then & Now
-----------------------------
September 11th, 2001
-----------------------------
=> September 11th: Conspiracies, Cover-ups & Remembrance
=> The World Trade Center Remembered
===> Life of the Twin Towers
=> Modern Warfare
=> Environmental Disasters & Mass Tragedies
-----------------------------
Suppressed Knowledge
-----------------------------
=> New World Order
=> Conspiracies
=> Suppressed Knowledge
=> Media Matters
-----------------------------
Politics
-----------------------------
=> the Barack Obama Administration
=> Conservatives, Trump, & Republican Politics
=> Joe Biden, Democratic Politics & News
=> Tea Party, Constitution, Libertarian Parties & Ron Paul
=> Politics & News
-----------------------------
Current Events
-----------------------------
=> Current Events & Odd Stories
=> The World Today
=> Financial News & the Economy
===> The History of Labor
=> Breaking News
-----------------------------
General Category
-----------------------------
=> Opinions & Editorials
=> Cartoons, Humor & Comic Strips
=> Ecology, Pets & the Animal Kingdom
=> General & Miscellaneous
=> Sports
=> Computers & the Internet
-----------------------------
Art, Graphics & Creative Writing
-----------------------------
=> Fantasy Art & Graphics
=> Creative Writing
===> Horror Fiction
=> Poetry
=> Photography & Models
=> Earth Images
-----------------------------
Past Events
-----------------------------
=> Case for Bush Impeachment/War Crimes
===> Bush Administration Torture Scandal
=> Campaign 2008
=> Atlantis Online - Memorial & Biography
===> Atlantis Online - Old Posts
Powered by
EzPortal
Loading...