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MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
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MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
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Topic: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU (Read 157 times)
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rockessence
Superhero Member
Posts: 1688
Using rocks and minerals to heal the earth and us.
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
«
on:
February 16, 2007, 01:50:43 am »
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive..... press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent..... please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities..... press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid..... we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional..... press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic..... listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive..... it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic..... press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar..... please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep.
Please wait for the beep.
-If you have short-term memory loss..... press 9.
-If you have short-term memory loss..... press 9.
-If you have short-term memory loss..... press 9.
If you have low self-esteem..... please hang up.
Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal..... put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde..... don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.
Edgar Cayce
unknown
Superhero Member
Posts: 1603
Re: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
«
Reply #1
on:
February 16, 2007, 10:28:44 am »
oh God
That cracked me up... I got tears in my eyes
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"There exists an agent, which is natural and divine, material and spiritual, a universal plastic mediator, a common receptical of the fluid vibrations of motion and the images of forms, a fluid, and a force, which can be called the Imagination of Nature..."
Elphias Levi
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