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Pet Diary Excerpts
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Topic: Pet Diary Excerpts (Read 145 times)
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Europa
Administrator
Superhero Member
Posts: 4318
Pet Diary Excerpts
«
on:
February 15, 2007, 10:59:02 am »
Hi all,
These appeared in my email this morning, I thought they were cute, and so I thought I'd share:
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
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Europa
Administrator
Superhero Member
Posts: 4318
Re: Pet Diary Excerpts
«
Reply #1
on:
February 15, 2007, 11:00:03 am »
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and
how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released
- and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe....... for now...
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rockessence
Superhero Member
Posts: 1688
Using rocks and minerals to heal the earth and us.
Re: Pet Diary Excerpts
«
Reply #2
on:
February 15, 2007, 11:37:38 am »
Brilliant!!!
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.
Edgar Cayce
Qoais
Superhero Member
Posts: 3423
Re: Pet Diary Excerpts
«
Reply #3
on:
April 09, 2007, 06:30:15 pm »
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in
line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog ... Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse, I told her no, I was
starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 45 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of
most of my orifice sand IVs in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of
her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was
totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and
that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with
Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The
package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try
it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the
line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy
behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had
poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no. I'd
just been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me. The
tall guy collapsed in laughter
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.
Logic rules.
"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
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