best of craigslist

[Keith Ranville]

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Hey folks look at some of the funky corny creative writings on craigslist if you find something interesting copy and past it here on this link and lets read it

.. Keith

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

[Keith Ranville]

I made a submission post there..  today

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/bnc/laf/2025761793.html

[Volitzer]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.  E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
 First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
 I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
 After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
 I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
 I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
 Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
 The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
  ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

[Keith Ranville]

Emotionally unavailable woman seeking emotionally unavailable man

Date: 2010-05-12, 12:20PM PDT

You:

-Must have a busy schedule. This must be legit. Holding down a 3.8 in the College of Engineering while working two jobs, running a business, publishing original research=busy. Sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, smoking with your friends, watching re-runs of �It�s Always Sunny in Philadelphia�=not busy.

That way, we can always blame everything on �timing.� (It�s not you or me)

-Must play control games with me. I will push and shove, and it is your job to nonverbally put me in my place by constantly �taking control of the situation.� This is how you will establish your �dominance.� This will not be easy (but that�s what makes it fun).

Other ways to �stay in control:� ask all the questions, do all of the interrogation. If I ever become upset, accuse me of being �emotional� or �unreasonable.� It's always "inside my head." Also, see me when it is convenient for you. Don't always answer my calls. Remain somewhat aloof. You don�t want to let me have the upper hand.

-Must be willing to banter back and forth with me. I will get bored and lose interest otherwise.

-Must be into exciting and potentially dangerous activities, like stealing road signs, driving like a maniac, and getting arrested by the police.

Actually, scratch that last one. There is a difference between risky and reckless. Then there is �retarded.� (I�m still undecided on where to place �posting personal ads on Craigslist.�)

In turn, will never call you too much (although I won�t hesitate to call you out) nor will I make you feel guilty about not �spending enough time with me.� I won�t nag you about commitment (or �where this relationship is going�) because it will never be �that� serious. We won�t talk about feelings because�well, I�d rather not.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sba/1737517917.html