15 Toys NOT To Buy Your Kids This Christmas

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15 Toys NOT To Buy Your Kids This Christmas


First Posted: 11-27-09 07:43 AM   |   Updated: 11-27-09 07:52 AM



This "Girls Only" toy is sure to inspire your daughter to reach for the sky...while dusting the high shelves.

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Lil' Monkey

So much for post-racial America.

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Playmobil Security Check Point

Encourage your child's imagination to run wild as their Playmobil figures wait in line...walk through the metal detector...are forced to throw out their shampoo. (PS -- It's almost 60 bucks)

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Pole Dance Doll



Please don't give your child this toy. Please.

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Fish Preparation Toy

When I was three, all I wanted was to behead, de-bone and fillet a salmon. Didn't you?

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"Sulky" Rickshaw

This $300 "toy" is just a rickshaw with all the pointy edges rounded off. Also, it holds up to 176 lbs! If your kid weighs that much maybe they should be walking.

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Gasoline-Powered Audi Two Seater Car For Kids

Get your little yuppie on his way with this gas-powered accident-waiting-to-happen. For just under $14,000 you can watch your kid tear ass around the cul-de-sac at a maximum 13 MPH, but keep it off the road because it's about as street legal as a lawn mower.

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Lightning Reaction Extreme

The idea of this game is to not be the slowest person to buzz in or you get shocked. Or, try the "Extreme" version where only the fastest player is safe and everyone else gets shocked. The point is: Electrocution = Fun.

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Elmo Death Threat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M78I_xNTel8&feature=player_embedded

Elmo Knows Your Name


Elmo has a little computer in his brain so he can learn your child's name and other phrases. However, don't change the batteries or Elmo starts threatening to kill you.

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Pro Thumb Wrestling Ring

Way to take a game that is ages old and barely fun and add unnecessary plastic.

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Gelli Baff

Baff = bath. Gelli = goopy crap. Gelli Baff = Inedible Jello wrestling practice for kids.

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Spiderman "Adventure Hero" Action Figures

We're confused. We thought Spiderman was already an "Adventure Hero" and now he's dressing up in various outfits like a Barbie would? He also apparently loves soccer and short shorts
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/stupid-toys2/spidey4.jpg

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FAIL TOY TONGUE Candy Animal Licks Tongue Pops Review by Mike Mozart JeepersMedia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rz4JfOun6o&feature=player_embedded

Tongue Kissing Pops

We thought the first thing Mike Mozart found (a pair of lips with a tongue-shaped lollipop that comes out) was inappropriate enough, and then he finds the same sort of thing but with various animal heads! Sure, let your kids try getting to second base, and then move on to bestiality.

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Tarzan

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/27/15-toys-not-to-buy-your-k_n_351369.html?slidenumber=VgO%2FMOx%2FiCE%3D#slide_image

There's nothing wrong with self love, but we're pretty sure kids don't need to learn about it from their action figures.

[Trish]

Breastfeeding Doll

A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." We think you should.