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"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

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Author Topic: "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"  (Read 244 times)
Medieval Knight
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« Reply #60 on: September 01, 2009, 01:25:04 pm »

MAYNARD:  It's the legendary Black Beast of aaauuugh!
  ARTHUR:  Run away!
  ALL:  Run away!  Run away!
      [roar]
  NARRATOR:  As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape
      for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless.  When, suddenly, the
      animator suffered a fatal heart attack.  [ulk]  The cartoon peril
      was no more.  The Quest for the Holy Grail could continue.
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #61 on: September 01, 2009, 01:25:21 pm »

Scene 35
 
 ARTHUR:  There it is!  The Bridge of Death!
  ROBIN:  Oh, great.
  KNIGHT:  Look!
  ARTHUR:  There's the old man from Scene 24!
  BEDEMIR:  What is he doing here?
  ARTHUR:  He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death.  He asks each
      traveller five questions--
  KNIGHT:  Three questions.
  ARTHUR:  Three questions.  He who answers the five questions--
  KNIGHT:  Three questions.
  ARTHUR:  Three questions may cross in safety.
  ROBIN:  What if you get a question wrong?
  ARTHUR:  Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
  ROBIN:  Oh, I won't go.
  KNIGHT:  Who's going to answer the questions?
  ARTHUR:  Sir Robin!
  ROBIN:  Yes?
  ARTHUR:  Brave Sir Robin, you go.
  ROBIN:  Hey!  I've got a great idea.  Why doesn't Launcelot go?
  LAUNCELOT:  Yes, let me go, my liege.  I will take him single-handed.
      I shall make a feint to the north-east--

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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #62 on: September 01, 2009, 01:25:35 pm »

ARTHUR:  No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on!  Just answer the five
      questions--
  KNIGHT:  Three questions.
  ARTHUR:  Three questions as best you can.  And we shall watch... and
      pray.
  LAUNCELOT:  I understand, my liege.
  ARTHUR:  Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot.  God be with you.
  KEEPER:  Stop!  Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me
      these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.
  LAUNCELOT:  Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper.  I'm not afraid.
  KEEPER:  What is your name?
  LAUNCELOT:  My name is Sir Launcelot of Camelot.
  KEEPER:  What is your quest?
  LAUNCELOT:  To seek the Holy Grail.
  KEEPER:  What is your favorite color?
  LAUNCELOT:  Blue.
  KEEPER:  Right.  Off you go.
  LAUNCELOT:  Oh, thank you.  Thank you very much.
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #63 on: September 01, 2009, 01:25:43 pm »

ROBIN:  That's easy!
  KEEPER:  Stop!  Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me
      these questions three, 'ere the other side he see.
  ROBIN:  Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper.  I'm not afraid.
  KEEPER:  What is your name?
  ROBIN:  Sir Robin of Camelot.
  KEEPER:  What is your quest?
  ROBIN:  To seek the Holy Grail.
  KEEPER:  What is the capital of Assyria?
  ROBIN:  I don't know that!  Auuuuuuuugh!
  KEEPER:  Stop!  What is your name?
  GALAHAD:  Sir Galahad of Camelot.
  KEEPER:  What is your quest?
  GALAHAD:  I seek the Holy Grail.
  KEEPER:  What is your favorite color?
  GALAHAD:  Blue.  No yel--  Auuuuuuuugh!
  KEEPER:  Heh heh.  Stop!  What is your name?
  ARTHUR:  It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #64 on: September 01, 2009, 01:25:54 pm »

KEEPER:  What is your quest?
  ARTHUR:  To seek the Holy Grail.
  KEEPER:  What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  ARTHUR:  What do you mean?  An African or European swallow?
  KEEPER:  What?  I don't know that!  Auuuuuuuugh!
  BEDEMIR:  How do know so much about swallows?
  ARTHUR:  Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know.
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #65 on: September 01, 2009, 01:26:10 pm »

Scene 36
 
  ARTHUR:  Launcelot!  Launcelot!  Launcelot!
  BEDEMIR:  Launcelot!  Launcelot!
  ARTHUR:  Launcelot!  Launcelot!
  BEDEMIR:  Launcelot!  Launcelot!
      [angels singing]
  ARTHUR:  The Castle Aggh.  Our quest is at an end!  God be praised!
      Almighty God, we thank Thee that Thou hast [something] safe
      [something] the most-
      [twong  baaaa]
      Jesus Christ!
  GUARD:  'Allo, daffy English kaniggets and Monsieur Arthur-King, who
      is afraid of a duck, you know!  So, we French fellows out-wit you a
      second time!
  ARTHUR:  How dare you profane this place with your presence!?  I command
      you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors of this
      sacred castle, to which God himself has guided us!
  GUARD:  How you English say, I one more time-a unclog my nose in your
      direction, sons of a window-dresser!  So, you think you could
      out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about
      advancing behavior! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you
      heaving lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom biters.
  ARTHUR:  In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred
      castle!

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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #66 on: September 01, 2009, 01:26:23 pm »

GUARD:  No chance, English bedwetting types.  I burst my pimples at you
      and call your daughter an unrequested silly thing.  You tiny-brained
      wipers of other people's bottoms!
  ARTHUR:  If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by
      force!
      [splat]
      In the name of God and the glory of our--
      [splat]
      Right!  That settles it!
  GUARD:  Yes, this time and try
      any more or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads
      and make castanets out of your testicles already!  Ha ha!
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #67 on: September 01, 2009, 01:26:35 pm »

ARTHUR:  Walk away.  Just ignore them.
  GUARD:  No, remain you illegitimate faced buggerfuls!  And, if you think
      you got nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet!  Daffy
      English kaniggets!  Thpppt!
  ARTHUR:  We shall attack at once!
  BEDEMIR:  Yes, my liege!
  ARTHUR:  Stand by for attack!

[Continue reading...]

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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #68 on: September 01, 2009, 01:27:18 pm »

THE END.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/mphg/mphg.htm#Scene%2036
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rockessence
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« Reply #69 on: September 01, 2009, 07:04:14 pm »

AAAAAghhh..

Where is "I fart in your general direction!"...?

Did  miss it???
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM

Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
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« Reply #70 on: September 01, 2009, 10:42:48 pm »

That has to have been one of the scenes involving the French.  In which case, it would be either at the beginning of the movie when they are storming the castle, or the end, just after the Holy Hand Grenade.

Glad you liked it!
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rockessence
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« Reply #71 on: September 02, 2009, 03:20:33 am »

why do you think I have this OUTrageous accent, you silly king....



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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM

Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
Medieval Knight
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Posts: 239



« Reply #72 on: September 03, 2009, 06:39:38 pm »

Black Knight

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