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"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

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Author Topic: "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"  (Read 976 times)
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Medieval Knight
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« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2009, 01:14:04 pm »

Scene 8
     [clop clop]
  ARTHUR:  Halt!  Hallo!  Hallo!
  GUARD:  'Allo!  Who is zis?
  ARTHUR:  It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round
      Table.  Who's castle is this?
  GUARD:  This is the castle of Our Master Ruiz' de lu la Ramper (sp?)
  ARTHUR:  Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God
      with a sacred quest.  If he will give us food and shelter for the
      night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
  GUARD:  Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen...
      Uh, he's already got one, you see?
  ARTHUR:  What?
  GALAHAD:  He says they've already got one!
  ARTHUR:  Are you sure he's got one?
  GUARD:  Oh, yes, it's very nice-a [To Other Guards]  I told him we already got one.
  OTHER GUARDS: [Laughing]
  ARTHUR:  Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
  GUARD:  Of course not!  You are English types-a!
  ARTHUR:  Well, what are you then?
  GUARD:  I'm French!  Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you
      silly king!
  GALAHAD:  What are you doing in England?
  GUARD:  Mind your own business!
  ARTHUR:  If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle
      by force!
  GUARD:  You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!  Go and boil your
      bottoms, sons of a silly person.  I blow my nose at you, so-called
      Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets.  Thppppt!
  GALAHAD:  What a strange person.
  ARTHUR:  Now look here, my good man!
  GUARD:  I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
      food trough whopper!  I fart in your general direction!  You mother
      was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries.
  GALAHAD:  Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

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