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Author Topic: Humor  (Read 3604 times)
Qoais
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« Reply #135 on: July 09, 2010, 06:35:27 pm »



What you see, are not see through skirts.  They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as though the undies are visible.  It's the current rage in Japan.






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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Keith Ranville
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« Reply #136 on: July 09, 2010, 08:19:45 pm »

Good ol' Hummer..  Grin
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Qoais
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« Reply #137 on: July 16, 2010, 09:06:19 am »

I got a new stick deodorant today.  The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom...


I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Keith Ranville
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« Reply #138 on: July 16, 2010, 01:44:16 pm »

I got a new stick deodorant today.  The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom...


I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

that's funny..  Grin
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rockessence
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Using rocks and minerals to heal the earth and us.


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« Reply #139 on: July 16, 2010, 07:32:07 pm »

what did the hippie say when asked to leave?

.

.

.

.

Namaste....
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM

Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
rockessence
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Using rocks and minerals to heal the earth and us.


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« Reply #140 on: July 16, 2010, 07:34:37 pm »

How do you know a hippie's been at your place?

.

.

.

.

....he's still there....
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM

Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
rockessence
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Posts: 1688


Using rocks and minerals to heal the earth and us.


WWW
« Reply #141 on: July 16, 2010, 07:35:25 pm »

I got a new stick deodorant today.  The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom...


I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

that's funny..  Grin

very very funny!!
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ILLIGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM

Thus ye may find in thy mental and spiritual self, ye can make thyself just as happy or just as miserable as ye like. How miserable do ye want to be?......For you GROW to heaven, you don't GO to heaven. It is within thine own conscience that ye grow there.

Edgar Cayce
Qoais
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Posts: 3423



« Reply #142 on: July 17, 2010, 09:33:39 am »

Yeah, I really cracked up when I read that myself!! Grin Grin
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

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Keith Ranville
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« Reply #143 on: July 17, 2010, 02:20:51 pm »

I got a new stick deodorant today.  The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom...


I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

that's funny..  Grin
very very funny!!

That joke It knda reminds me of that movie Mr. Mom, when he sprays the deoderant not before he reads the can and it says shake well before use.. and then he shakes himself..  Tongue
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Qoais
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« Reply #144 on: July 18, 2010, 09:38:13 am »

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,

wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.


As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,

" You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming  or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
 
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.
 
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"


She explained, "The egg timer's broken." 

 
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Qoais
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« Reply #145 on: July 28, 2010, 04:39:56 pm »

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll.

> One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
> As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman
> Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
> The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.
> We've got dogs with us."
> The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
> They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put
> On a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
> The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
> The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand,
> This is my seeing-eye dog."
> The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
> The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
> The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
> The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing the bouncer a
> Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog might be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark
> glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
> The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
> The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua ?"
> The woman with the Chihuahua said,>   
>
> "A Chihuahua? They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!">
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Qoais
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 3423



« Reply #146 on: July 28, 2010, 06:55:37 pm »

'Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the park?' Mum replies, 'No,
because she is in heat.'

 

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

 

'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

 

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a
walk around the park? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to
come to you.'

 

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline,
and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'OK,
you can go now, but keep Belle on the lead and only go one time round the
park.'

 

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
lead. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

 

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about half way down the road, so
another dog is pushing her home.'
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Qoais
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 3423



« Reply #147 on: August 11, 2010, 09:05:10 am »

This morning on the 400,

I looked over to my left and there was a


Woman

In a brand new
Cadillac

Doing 120 kph

With her
face up next to her
rear view mirror 

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

For a couple seconds...

to continue shaving

And when I looked back she was

Halfway over in my lane,

Still working on that makeup.

As a man,

I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much;
I dropped
 
My electric shaver   


Which knocked

The donut   
out of my other hand.

In all  the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car

Using my knees against
the steering wheel,


It knocked
my cell phone

Away from my ear

Which fell

into the coffee 

Between my legs!


Splashed,

and burned

"Big Jim" and the "Twins", 


Ruined the darn phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an
important call.

Damn women drivers!

 
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Qoais
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 3423



« Reply #148 on: August 12, 2010, 09:56:38 am »

Subject: Trivia

 
 
 
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point
  and was totally embarrassed !

  The last question was: "Where do most women have curly hair?"

  ..........so I shouted out my answer, and got asked to leave.

  Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.

 
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
Qoais
Superhero Member
******
Posts: 3423



« Reply #149 on: September 02, 2010, 08:03:49 pm »

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
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An open-minded view of the past allows for an unprejudiced glimpse into the future.

Logic rules.

"Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong."
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