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Top Story On John McCain Run Out Of Obligation

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Psycho
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« on: September 10, 2008, 03:33:03 pm »

Top Story On John McCain Run Out Of Obligation
September 3, 2008 | Issue 44•36



 
The second prominent photo of McCain in the same issue.

NEW YORK—Although his lack of charisma and charm has lately prevented the Arizona senator from grabbing front-page headlines, the tenets of journalistic objectivity made it necessary today to publish a top news story on Republican presidential candidate John McCain.

According to the newspaper's editors, the decision to run the story came after they realized that they had not printed a cover story about Sen. McCain (R-AZ) in a number of months, despite the distinct possibility that he could become the leader of the free world for the next four to eight years.

Some of the publication's employees said they recalled a recent profile on McCain's military service—also run out of obligation—but archival records revealed that piece was published in April 2007. While other articles published in recent weeks have referred to McCain, today's story marks a conscious effort to focus on John McCain and only John McCain, and to mention John McCain's name whenever possible.

Enlarge Image
Sen. John McCain, and not an exciting war scene or raging wildfire, shown above.
"John McCain is one of only two men who has a chance to become president of the United States of America, and by running an entire 600-word article about him, we are acknowledging that we are aware of that fact," a statement from the newspaper's editorial board read in part. "Even though we are certain that the presence of Sen. McCain's name and image on the front page will result in a decrease in reader interest, sales, and web traffic, running this story was, regrettably, the right thing to do."

"On the plus side, it gives us the opportunity to wait two more months before we feel pressured to write another lead story on the senator," the statement continued.

To make room for the McCain article, a story about Vice President Dick Cheney and 9/11 was relegated to a less prominent position on the front page.

Sources confirmed that the primary placement of the McCain article also serves to bolster the publication's reputation as a legitimate paper of record, one that is above being swayed by the hypnotic effect of other, more dynamic public figures who are younger, more visually pleasing, and more adept at garnering media attention.

"Featuring this article was a bold move, and the result is—though completely uninteresting—quite impressive," media critic Tim Keller said. "They have printed a headline that includes McCain's name, put it in a bolded, 48-point font size, and accompanied it with a significant amount of text and a large color photograph of the senator. It takes a strong sense of professional responsibility to commit to something like this."

"Granted, nobody's actually going to read the story," Keller added.

The completion of the article, however, proved far more difficult than expected. Approximately two-thirds of the way through, the legitimate news content grew thin, and several last-ditch efforts were made to increase the length of the story, including a crude listing of pertinent or interesting facts and background information on McCain.

John McCain was born at the Coco Solo Naval Air Station in the Panama Canal Zone. John McCain attended Episcopal High School, a private boarding school in Alexandria, VA. John McCain was captured and taken prisoner in Vietnam on Oct. 26, 1967. John McCain hosted an episode of Saturday Night Live with musical guest the White Stripes in 2002.

In a clear attempt to fill the remaining space on the jump page, the article then presented a dissenting opinion from an outside source on several points made previously in the story.

"If you have to convince the reading public that the story you want to publish is a top story, then it's not a top story," said New York University journalism professor Greg Hillman. "There is obviously a reason the newspaper decided that McCain had done little up to this point to warrant front-page coverage. Perhaps that's the story right there."

Toward its conclusion, the article began to stretch for even more information to pad the piece, at one point mentioning John McCain's age (72), his years in the Senate (21), and his wife's name (Cindy Hensley McCain, born Cindy Lou Hensley) for the sole purpose of adding 49 words.

"Maybe they should have quoted an average citizen to make the article a bit more relatable to readers," said Akron, OH resident Mark Casali, 32. "But I doubt he'd really have anything interesting to say."

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Psycho
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« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2008, 03:33:43 pm »



Sen. John McCain, and not an exciting war scene or raging wildfire, shown above.
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« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2008, 03:34:22 pm »

McCain Speechwriter Trying To Write Lines That Don't Lead To Creepy Smile
September 2, 2008 | Issue 44•36


PHOENIX, AZ—According to campaign sources, Joseph Chappel, a 38-year-old speechwriter for Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), has spent the last two weeks attempting to combine words and phrases in such a way as to not provoke a tight-jawed, dead-eyed smile from the presidential hopeful. Dreading a repeat of last month's speech to a group of businesswomen in Ohio, during which McCain followed a mention of his wife with an awkward and eerie smirk, Chappel has avoided personal anecdotes for the new speech, omitted any mention of "God" or "this great nation," and cut several phrases that had the potential to draw the 72-year-old candidate's mouth open in a horrifying display of teeth and gums.

"I've managed to make two out of every three sentences a question, but I'm not sure that will help," Chappel said shortly after deleting an introductory paragraph in which McCain welcomes the crowd. "Jesus, that [smile] makes me feel cold inside."

Chappel told reporters that if he is not able to write an appropriate, smile-free speech in time for the Republican National Convention, he will resign his position and return to his previous job, taking photographs of abused children for police reports.


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« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2008, 03:36:01 pm »

McCain Courts Youth Vote With Lengthy Speech On Forbearance, Morality

July 29, 2008 | Issue 44•31


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« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2008, 03:41:52 pm »

John McCain feels up work wife


John McCain has taken to hugging his running mate, Sarah Palin, during campaign stops. The hug is brief and professional (or too long and creepy, you decide) and is in contrast to Walter Mondale's interactions with Geraldine Ferraro in 1984, who bared touched. Ferraro told the Times, "people were afraid that it would look like, 'Oh, my God, they're dating.'"

Of the McPalin hugs, etiquette expert Letitia Baldrige says, "He's hugging her to show the world that he's all for her, and protecting her."

Aww, what a gent. What do other John McCain hugs say? We've found a few.


 
   
  "If you pull away, I'll fall." 
1 of 10
   
   


Previously: Sarah Palin ready to lie about the "Bridge to Nowhere"

Filed under: John McCain hugs, McCain hugs, McCain Palin hugs, McCain Bush hug, McCain Cindy hug, McCain man hug, McCain Obama hug, John McCain body language, John McCain campaign, McCain convention hugs, McCain awkward hug, McCain hug picture, McCain voicemail, McCain campaign hugs, McCain lipstick, McCain RNC

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Psycho
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« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2008, 03:42:32 pm »



"I know you're going to kill me, Sarah. I'm not afraid."
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« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2008, 03:43:14 pm »



"It's been a tough road, thanks for being there for me, honey. But you know how I am with women who stand by me through tough times. Wear your seatbelt, because I'm leaving you."
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« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2008, 03:43:47 pm »



"You're the wind beneath my broken, poorly reset wing."
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« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2008, 03:44:23 pm »



"I'd like to reach in and shake the baby's hand... just kidding."
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« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2008, 03:45:04 pm »



"I'm going to pull away and when I do, I better still have my wallet."
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Psycho
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« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2008, 03:45:39 pm »



"Don't say anything, but my arm just locked in place."
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« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2008, 03:46:13 pm »



"Don't ever take off your hat, that sun is a killer."
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Psycho
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« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2008, 03:46:48 pm »



"When is it going to happen? After the election?"
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« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2008, 03:47:26 pm »



"I'm gonna start invoking 9/11, if you don't mind."
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« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2008, 03:48:24 pm »

"To Have (as a Running Mate), and to Hold (Politely)"- NYT
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